Venting im so angry

[aushunaph]

all i want to do is die and die and die but i can't fucking do it because i live with my parents. im such a fucking failure. i fail to get a job i fail to do well in school i fail and fail and fail to lose weight or make friends or play piano or learn anything and ive failed my attempts before. it's so fucking selfish to let me live because of how THEY feel. but they never consider that all my life i've been so fucking done. so done with them so done with everything ever. so done with eating and starving and eating and eating and eating until i have to puke. and there's nothing i can do about it. nothing i can do to fix this stupid situation. no drugs to make me feel better, no porn, and nothing to ctb with. i hate them so much and theyre such abusers for forcing me to live this hell.

 

[fadedghost]

all i want to do is die and die and die but i can't fucking do it because i live with my parents. im such a fucking failure. i fail to get a job i fail to do well in school i fail and fail and fail to lose weight or make friends or play piano or learn anything and ive failed my attempts before. it's so fucking selfish to let me live because of how THEY feel. but they never consider that all my life i've been so fucking done. so done with them so done with everything ever. so done with eating and starving and eating and eating and eating until i have to puke. and there's nothing i can do about it. nothing i can do to fix this stupid situation. no drugs to make me feel better, no porn, and nothing to ctb with. i hate them so much and theyre such abusers for forcing me to live this hell.

Have you tried Dialectical Behavioral Therapy?

Not everyone can do well in school, but most people can work and getting a job is about sending tons of resumes out. You send out 100 resumes for every 1 reply. You have to not take it personally, or get attached to ideas of jobs, it's just a numbers game, 1000 resumes = job. 20 resumes that are well-crafted = no job. Also if you have no job experience, you can always volunteer somewhere and put that on your resume. AI helps with applying to 1000 jobs. Spend 2 hours a day applying to anything. Don't think, just apply.

all i want to do is die and die and die but i can't fucking do it because i live with my parents. im such a fucking failure. i fail to get a job i fail to do well in school i fail and fail and fail to lose weight or make friends or play piano or learn anything and ive failed my attempts before. it's so fucking selfish to let me live because of how THEY feel. but they never consider that all my life i've been so fucking done. so done with them so done with everything ever. so done with eating and starving and eating and eating and eating until i have to puke. and there's nothing i can do about it. nothing i can do to fix this stupid situation. no drugs to make me feel better, no porn, and nothing to ctb with. i hate them so much and theyre such abusers for forcing me to live this hell.

Also I feel like there are asperbergers meetups if thats what you have... Have you checked online? People with autism probably meet and hangout. Is aus in your screenname autism?

 

[cluefixphantom]

All this is mostly your parents fault and government.
You shouldn't put yourself down just because you had bad luck and were born to terrible parents. My parents are also very shitty, disabled, poor, dumb. When I think about them I always remember what Emil Cioran wrote – that it's so demoralizing when even the c'ipples can reproduce. I wish my parents would get a punishment. They are just disgusting people.

quote in german:

Emil Cioran, Die verfehlte Schöpfung

"Es ist wichtig, die Fortpflanzung zu entmutigen, denn die Furcht, dass die Menschheit erlösche, hat keine Grundlage: was auch geschieht, es wird immer genug Blöde geben, die nichts besseres wünschen, als sich fortzusetzen, und wenn selbst sie sich schließlich entziehen, so wird sich immer irgendein widerliches Paar finden, das sich dafür opfert. Es geht nicht so sehr darum, den Hunger aufs Leben zu bekämpfen, als die Lust auf "Nachkommenschaft". Die Eltern, die Erzeuger, sind Provokateure oder Irre. Dass noch die letzte Missgeburt die Gabe besitzt, Leben zu geben, "auf die Welt zu bringen" – gibt es Demoralisierenderes?
Die kriminelle Aufforderung der Genesis: "Wachset und mehret euch", konnte nicht aus dem Munde des guten Gottes gekommen sein. Seid selten, hätte er vermutlich empfohlen, wenn er mitzureden gehabt hätte. Niemals hätte er ferner jene unheilvollen Worte hinzufügen können: "Und macht euch die Erde untertan". Man sollte sie sogleich ausmerzen, um die Bibel von der Schmach zu reinigen, sie aufgenommen zu haben. Das Fleisch wuchert immer mehr wie ein Ganggrän auf der Erdkruste. Es vermag sich keine Grenzen zu setzen, es wütet trotz allen üblen Erfahrungen, es hält seine Niederlagen für Eroberungen, es hat niemals etwas gelernt."

 

[lpdsvm]

Yeah. The abovementioned comment is right. Apply everywhere and see. This is what I will do for a tick in the box before I CTB not if but when I get fired just to say to myself that I did something at least. Maybe it will work - maybe it won't. It depends on the country and other circumstances but in any way make sure the volunteering job is really provided by such an organization or it might take advantage of you depending on the type of work. Many also bullshit while having no education but they are really good at that. Making stories on the go.