Venting I'm not telling my SO everything

[rotten]

Everyone always says you should tell your bf or gf everything but I feel like I can't. I feel like he just doesn't get it. Don't get me wrong he's a great guy and he's done a lot for me. But anytime I need to vent he just changes the subject. Today for example, I've been feeling like shit because my mom kept talking shit on my weight and saying I'm going to get fat. ( I'm not even overweight and I usually only eat dinner) Either way it put me in a lot of distress. I just wanted a little comfort but as soon as I mentioned it he started talking about something else. I don't even know why I tried today I knew disappointment was coming. The only person that listens is my friend C. Part of me feels guilty telling my male friend everything....yet hardly telling anything to my bf.

 

[LastFlowers]

I've never agreed with that statement, about telling your SO everything and anything, some things are just not their's to know, especially concerning the privacy of other people, and that can include one half of the couple, we are all entitled to a certain degree of secrecy.
And if he is always changing the subject (I have dealt with similar bs from people) then he really gives you no choice but to find someone who will listen, just make sure they're paying attention for the right reasons.
You can't be expected to internalize everything and talk to the equivalent of a brick wall, you'll go completely mad, trust me, I would know.

 

[Rayzieka]

It sounds like he just doesn't know what to do and doesn't want to mess up perhaps?
I know a lot of guys avoid emotional topics because they're scared of saying the wrong thing and making it worse. I'm sure he still cares and loves you, so you shouldn't feel too bad about telling your friend instead. It's ok to tell things to your friends even if you're with someone- I know a lot of guys make it sound like its not ok but what else can you do?
Maybe have a sit down and try to tell your s/o how you feel he changes the topic and that you really need his support.

 

[LastFlowers]

It sounds like he just doesn't know what to do and doesn't want to mess up perhaps?
I know a lot of guys avoid emotional topics because they're scared of saying the wrong thing and making it worse. I'm sure he still cares and loves you, so you shouldn't feel too bad about telling your friend instead. It's ok to tell things to your friends even if you're with someone- I know a lot of guys make it sound like its not ok but what else can you do?
Maybe have a sit down and try to tell your s/o how you feel he changes the topic and that you really need his support.

I think it's more than just a guy thing, my own mother does this lol, the difference is I have absolutely nobody else to confide in besides her, so I'm stuck on a ticking time bomb, ready to implode.
SS is as close to another human outlet as I will currently get.

But I agree with you, this is a common tactic of avoidance, meaning he could-as you say-be unsure of how to respond without making things worse.
I just find that to be an odd excuse when certain scenarios offer such easy responses of comfort and consoling, so when people claim they are unable to find them, it leads me to believe that they must be in opposition to what is being told to them, or are simply apathetic or frustrated by it.

 

[Rayzieka]

I think it's more than just a guy thing, my own mother does this lol, the difference is I have absolutely nobody else to confide in besides her, so I'm stuck on a ticking time bomb, ready to implode.
SS is as close to another human outlet as I will currently get.

But I agree with you, this is a common tactic of avoidance, meaning he could-as you say-be unsure of how to respond without making things worse.
I just find that to be an odd excuse when certain scenarios offer such easy responses of comfort and consoling, so when people claim they are unable to find them, it leads me to believe that they must be in opposition to what is being told to them, or are simply apathetic or frustrated by it.

True.. My mom doesn't want to hear it either. I guess I just assumed it be a guy thing because the majority of my friends are guys and they sure do avoid it if I'm laying it on too heavy. One of my friends does seem to be afraid of the topic and gets frustrated if I bring it up as well.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is understandable, you not wanting to tell him everything. It can be disheartening when we say what is on our minds and yet others won't listen properly. I'm the type of person who keeps things to myself a lot of the time honestly. I can easily feel worse by others reactions.

 

[At_The_End]

I do not tell my loved ones anything. In fact, I am acting more so as if life is going perfectly and better days ahead. When a loved one does CTB, the burden on them will be so bad, I'd hate to add to it by having them know in advance. I've decided to make my CTB event look like an accident to help eliviate any chance they might harbor additional guilt. Have a good plan that, fingers crossed, will look like a complete accident and non the wiser. (While I'd love to post my process here, I'm not sure I could live w/ myself if I know I assisted in making someones else's CTB process simpler.) Maybe I'm wrong and should openly post the process and How To.... Just don't know...

 

[boc]

I do not tell my loved ones anything. In fact, I am acting more so as if life is going perfectly and better days ahead. When a loved one does CTB, the burden on them will be so bad, I'd hate to add to it by having them know in advance. I've decided to make my CTB event look like an accident to help eliviate any chance they might harbor additional guild. Have a good plan that, fingers crossed, will look like a complete accident and non the wiser. (While I'd love to post my process here, I'm not sure I could live w/ myself if I know I assisted in making someones else's CTB process simpler.) Maybe I'm wrong and should openly post the process and How To.... Just don't know...

I would be interested in hearing your method if you want to share. I'm planning on taking N, but you're right that an accident would make it easier on my family. All insight is appreciated.

 

[rotten]

I do not tell my loved ones anything. In fact, I am acting more so as if life is going perfectly and better days ahead. When a loved one does CTB, the burden on them will be so bad, I'd hate to add to it by having them know in advance. I've decided to make my CTB event look like an accident to help eliviate any chance they might harbor additional guild. Have a good plan that, fingers crossed, will look like a complete accident and non the wiser. (While I'd love to post my process here, I'm not sure I could live w/ myself if I know I assisted in making someones else's CTB process simpler.) Maybe I'm wrong and should openly post the process and How To.... Just don't know...

If you're comfortable enough, I would also be interested in hearing about it.

 

[Symbiote]

My SO heard about my depression a few times, every time I get shut down immediately and told that "it's normal, everyone gets depressed, and they get over it". But I haven't gotten over it, I never will to which she replies, "that's because you're too lazy and enjoy being the victim." So yeah I don't talk about my issues anymore to my SO or anyone else for that matter except maybe on here. I've talked to others in the past and got the same response. No one cares, no one thinks that you matter, and everyone hopes that you pay a bit more attention to them.

 

[rotten]

My SO heard about my depression a few times, every time I get shut down immediately and told that "it's normal, everyone gets depressed, and they get over it". But I haven't gotten over it, I never will to which she replies, "that's because you're too lazy and enjoy being the victim." So yeah I don't talk about my issues anymore to my SO or anyone else for that matter except maybe on here. I've talked to others in the past and got the same response. No one cares, no one thinks that you matter, and everyone hopes that you pay a bit more attention to them.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I know how it feels. I've also been told things like "you're just looking for attention" or "you're too young to be depressed" (that one is my favorite lol) These types of people are so blind and ignorant. If I ever ctb there would be several of these acting like the victim afterwards. :/

 

[boc]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I know how it feels. I've also been told things like "you're just looking for attention" or "you're too young to be depressed" (that one is my favorite lol) These types of people are so blind and ignorant. If I ever ctb there would be several of these acting like the victim afterwards. :/

That's so painful to not be taken seriously. I agree with you that these are the people that act like the victim afterwards. I don't really have any advice other than to say that you're not alone. That same sentiment happens to us.

My goal in writing my own notes is to take the high-road and not try to lay blame to anyone.