Venting I'm not taken seriously.

[LonelyPrince]

I tested out partial suspension hanging like 5 times by using my closet bar since I have no other anchor points.
While trying to remove the bathroom lace I was using as a noose one of the shelves broke down.

My mother came in my room to see what was happening and asked me with a knowing look what I was doing
I spewed stupid excuses and acted as if it wasn't a big deal.
She jokingly said to stop trying out these tests....with a smile...while laughing.

Excuse me?

So you know I've been trying to hang myself unsuccessfully and joke about it?
Shouldn't you be concerned? Worried?! Shouldn't you care?!!?!

My father walked in the room: he quietly watched as me and my mother trying fixing the shelf. He just told her to "call an ambulance" with a mocking and disappointed tone.

None of the two take my suicidal ideation seriously. I don't even talk about it, it's something that my psychiatrist probably told them I had, so it's not a case of the boy who cried wolf.

None of the two truly care about me. If I was gone it would be a relief for them tbh.
This is making me more determined into attempting. More determined on planning.

I never believed I could be heartbroken again from my parents yet here I am.

 

[Aflame5926]

I tested out partial suspension hanging like 5 times by using my closet bar since I have no other anchor points.
While trying to remove the bathroom lace I was using as a noose one of the shelves broke down.

My mother came in my room to see what was happening and asked me with a knowing look what I was doing
I spewed stupid excuses and acted as if it wasn't a big deal.
She jokingly said to stop trying out these tests....with a smile...while laughing.

Excuse me?

So you know I've been trying to hang myself unsuccessfully and joke about it?
Shouldn't you be concerned? Worried?! Shouldn't you care?!!?!

My father walked in the room: he quietly watched as me and my mother trying fixing the shelf. He just told her to "call an ambulance" with a mocking and disappointed tone.

None of the two take my suicidal ideation seriously. I don't even talk about it, it's something that my psychiatrist probably told them I had, so it's not a case of the boy who cried wolf.

None of the two truly care about me. If I was gone it would be a relief for them tbh.
This is making me more determined into attempting. More determined on planning.

I never believed I could be heartbroken again from my parents yet here I am.

at the other side what do you want them to do?

do you want them to call the almbulance? because that likely a wrong answer aswell?
what would be a good answer in your books?

for me reading this is there is no good answer at all

 

[LonelyPrince]

at the other side what do you want them to do?

do you want them to call the almbulance? because that likely a wrong answer aswell?
what would be a good answer in your books?

for me reading this is there is no good answer at all

Maybe not mocking me would have been the good answer. Ever heard of empathy?
It would have been nice if instead of joking about it and brushing me off like always, that they would sit down with me and told me they love me and are worried.
There is a good answer, I just gave u it.

 

[Matchaaa]

That's awful, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. They shouldn't have treated you that way.

 

[Aflame5926]

Maybe not mocking me would have been the good answer. Ever heard of empathy?
It would have been nice if instead of joking about it and brushing me off like always, that they would sit down with me and told me they love me and are worried.
There is a good answer, I just gave u it.

that indeed an answer.

im not sure on how you relationship between you and your parents always was.
but sometimes if you are suicidal for that long it can numb the reaction. not saying it is.

it can always ofcs be that your parents are assholes.

 

[bruised_reed]

I'm so sorry you are going through that

 

[LonelyPrince]

that indeed an answer.

im not sure on how you relationship between you and your parents always was.
but sometimes if you are suicidal for that long it can numb the reaction. not saying it is.

it can always ofcs be that your parents are assholes.

I've been depressed for years and they've always known due to doctors and etc. It definitely numbed their reaction...but despite that how could you act like that towards your child that you could risk on losing one day?!

 

[iCryInMySecretSpot]

this is awful. im so sorry. this made me angry on your behalf.

 

[Aflame5926]

I've been depressed for years and they've always known due to doctors and etc. It definitely numbed their reaction...but despite that how could you act like that towards your child that you could risk on losing one day?!

at the other side as a parent. knowing that your child is struggeling that much. maybe it also a thought that they hope aswell for you to succeed and i know this sound fucked. losing you would still be a hole they prepared for it. but i might also be they see your struggles and dont see a way for you to get out aswell.

if you get that numbed from everything you can't be all the time caring. it takes to much energy for them. maybe you should talk to them and tell them that you love them (my random 2 cent thought and ill solve it in my ass). or just take in general how you feel about all this and what you want from them

 

[LonelyPrince]

at the other side as a parent. knowing that your child is struggeling that much. maybe it also a thought that they hope aswell for you to succeed and i know this sound fucked. losing you would still be a hole they prepared for it. but i might also be they see your struggles and dont see a way for you to get out aswell.

if you get that numbed from everything you can't be all the time caring. it takes to much energy for them. maybe you should talk to them and tell them that you love them (my random 2 cent thought and ill solve it in my ass). or just take in general how you feel about all this and what you want from them

They are the types of parents to believe mental illness isn't a thing. They take this whole thing as a joke. To them I'm just a brat screaming for attention.
I'm not sure I could even tell them I love them or sit down and tell them exactly what goes through my mind, what good would that do? Nothing. My family would still be dysfunctional due to my abusive father and my enabling mother.

 

[knowledgeseeking]

I'm so sorry this happened to you and sadly I can relate.

When I was 18 I cut my wrist and ended up seeking medical attention. My parents found out I was in the hospital after receiving a medical a week later. When my dad showed up and saw my injuries, all he said was "that looks like someone did a piss poor job at cutting their wrists" in a mocking tone.

It was very hurtful to experience and more than 20 years later it still hurts to think about.

Again I am very sorry this happened and also, fuck them.

 

[Aflame5926]

They are the types of parents to believe mental illness isn't a thing. They take this whole thing as a joke. To them I'm just a brat screaming for attention.
I'm not sure I could even tell them I love them or sit down and tell them exactly what goes through my mind, what good would that do? Nothing. My family would still be dysfunctional due to my abusive father and my enabling mother.

then sorry you have to go through all that.

its always 1 side of a story and im not always buy straight into the story.
this explains it a bit more tho.

but at the other side do you know aobut their hardship they have with handeling you sometimes?
my opninion is that since both side dont know they should talk but if you find this compleetly bullshit then you are right. they are batshit crazy.

 

[LonelyPrince]

then sorry you have to go through all that.

its always 1 side of a story and im not always buy straight into the story.
this explains it a bit more tho.

but at the other side do you know aobut their hardship they have with handeling you sometimes?
my opninion is that since both side dont know they should talk but if you find this compleetly bullshit then you are right. they are batshit crazy.

Communication isn't a thing in my household: this has been established ever since I was born. My father has the brain of a 5 year old emotionally. He is so stunted its crazy. I know he went through his own trauma but it's not an excuse to abuse me and use me as a scapegoat for his anger.
I can tell it's tiresome to deal with a depressed kid, but at the same time the kid doesn't get depressed from nowhere and it's kinda the consequences of their own actions



Update: my mother walked into my room again just a few moments ago and asked me: "are you trying to hang yourself?"

Wow! What a smart cookie she is!

I just avoided answering her after their mocking. She started going on on things I could do to reel better and things she read online.
I don't think she knows how this fucking works lol.
Still, I appreciate the bare minimum of telling me how to get better, as if it would actually work.

 

[bruised_reed]

I'm so sorry this happened to you and sadly I can relate.

When I was 18 I cut my wrist and ended up seeking medical attention. My parents found out I was in the hospital after receiving a medical a week later. When my dad showed up and saw my injuries, all he said was "that looks like someone did a piss poor job at cutting their wrists" in a mocking tone.

It was very hurtful to experience and more than 20 years later it still hurts to think about.

Again I am very sorry this happened and also, fuck them.

That's awful. I'm so sorry he responded like that.

 

[Aflame5926]

Update: my mother walked into my room again just a few moments ago and asked me: "are you trying to hang yourself?"

Wow! What a smart cookie she is!

I just avoided answering her after their mocking. She started going on on things I could do to reel better and things she read online.
I don't think she knows how this fucking works lol.
Still, I appreciate the bare minimum of telling me how to get better, as if it would actually work.

atleast its something man. she probally really clueless.

they can only ask others. but those answers doesn't apply to you.
maybe a small talk with your mother can do it. just a small talk to test the waters.

dont open the flood gates but just asked her about what she knows and what she thinks what is right for you.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

It's a very unhealthy situation for all three of you.
I'm wondering what keeps you there.

 

[LonelyPrince]

It's a very unhealthy situation for all three of you.
I'm wondering what keeps you there.

Not being financially stable enough to leave

atleast its something man. she probally really clueless.

they can only ask others. but those answers doesn't apply to you.
maybe a small talk with your mother can do it. just a small talk to test the waters.

dont open the flood gates but just asked her about what she knows and what she thinks what is right for you.

Yeah she is really clueless. When I made this post I was overwhelmed with emotions.
She later asked me if I wanted to play cards with her, I said yes and we played together. She probably thinks games like these can distract me from the idea of death.
Only mother cares a bit, she is just so clueless and influenced by my father, the monster.

 

[AnonymousCat1]

Wow your so-called "parents" sucked. I'm so sorry