NSFW im not ready to die but i have no option

[black money boys]

i have royally fucked up. by skipping college and my parents still have no idea they think im still going there when in reality i just park somewhere quiet and empty whenever i have a lesson on the schedule

theyre paying a shit ton of money for this its only been the first semester and ive already fucked up i skipped the whole second half of the semester and im upset because i was doing so well and i was absolutely acing all my tests and coursework and people liked me

we've always been struggling financially so paying for this college was a huge deal to them and ive always academically failed in the past (failed HS too idk how i made it to college) and i am 101% they wont take it this time they'll be furious

the college ends in about a week or so and time is getting tight i already have my SN and everything except for the will to die

what the fuck do i do

 

[ilovenewyork]

You're panicking. Yes your parents will be upset but you have a long life to make things right. Maybe you'll get a side job and start over in a year. People live like 80 years on average so you can just try again. As far as SN, that's not going to fix anything or cheer your parents up. Maybe throw that away

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I did that one semester, too. Shit happens. Your parents won't be thrilled, but they'll get over it & so will you. This too shall pass. A few years from now you'll look back & realize it was nothing worth ending your life over.

 

[Gabriel1987]

Studies aren't for everyone. If you commit suicide, you'll hurt them even more, and it will be irreversible. You have your whole life ahead of you to make them proud. Be strong; I hope everything works out for you.

 

[black money boys]

i dont know man this was my last ever chance to redeem myself and i have miserably failed no amount of talking can fix anything anymore infact i think they're better off (in the long run) losing me because i'll just keep disappointing everybody

 

[WakingNightmare]

If you dont feel ready to die then you shouldn't CTB simple as. If your parents like you they will probably be more upset if you are dead than if you failed a semester. Also you can always drop out and get a job to repay them

 

[ilovenewyork]

Losing a child is about the worst experience a human can endure. You won't be doing them any favors checking out.

 

[Gabriel1987]

Do you really think you're parents who would rather you be dead? I think they'd rather you keep disappointing them 1 million times. You all have a life to make up for it, you can repay them later for your failed studies. You haven't done anything irreversible and unforgivable yet

 

[Tryingmybest4]

You can try to talk to case management at your college. The worst case won't be your parents being disappointed; it will be you being dead. I know it sucks and it feels like the end of your world right now, but it doesn't have to be. I've had friends who have dropped out of college and still live a wonderful life. I have friends who have no contact with their parents because of bad blood between them and they still live a great life. Not a perfect life because life will never be perfect, but still a life worth living

 

[Steph99]

I screwed up back in the day. And years later I un -screwed up getting a professional degree. Parents are in it for the long haul, don't CTB over a bad semester.

 

[black money boys]

i appreciate everyone's advice on this. i was able to buy myself more time (~2 months). i'll try to figure out what i can do here. the college has sent me a letter telling me i have successfully got my equivalency (that means i can now study further in college without having to redo 2 years in highschool), and thats the good news. that bad news is, i have failed the other courses (2 Fs and 1 D) and so ive overall failed the semester.

however things are way more hopeful now than i expected, as getting the equivalency is obviously more important than passing the semester, and it was surprisingly very easy to get. i will post (hopefully good) updates on this thread when i can, and im truly thankful to everyone who helped me open my eyes and reconsider this, making me realize that this is such a retarded thing to die for

 

[looking4partner]

i appreciate everyone's advice on this. i was able to buy myself more time (~2 months). i'll try to figure out what i can do here. the college has sent me a letter telling me i have successfully got my equivalency (that means i can now study further in college without having to redo 2 years in highschool), and thats the good news. that bad news is, i have failed the other courses (2 Fs and 1 D) and so ive overall failed the semester.

however things are way more hopeful now than i expected, as getting the equivalency is obviously more important than passing the semester, and it was surprisingly very easy to get. i will post (hopefully good) updates on this thread when i can, and im truly thankful to everyone who helped me open my eyes and reconsider this, making me realize that this is such a retarded thing to die for

I don't know if this is the same thing as an equivalency, but a lot of colleges also let students take a break for a semester for various reasons (considered transferring to a different school, needing a break to focus on trying mental health treatments, having second thoughts & wanting time to decide if they're ready to go to college right now, needing to work full-time so they can make enough money to afford college, experiencing physical health symptoms they need time to investigate, etc.)

They do have rules about what is approved for a leave of absence and whether you can be approved to come back in some situations (especially regarding mental health reasons), but this could be a good way to be able to take a break from classes without needing to drop out right away and giving yourself more time to be able to figure out and decide what you want to do.