Venting I'm not good enough

[fieryending]

No matter what, I can't help but feel like I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough for friends, I'm not good enough for enemies, I'm not even good enough to go to school for my senior year. Most of the time I was in high school I spent alone. I would get my lunch every day and do a walk of shame past hundreds of outgoing people who knew each other and had social circles. I would just walk by and find a place to spend lunch alone, eat my lunch alone, and then use my phone, alone. I don't really know what's wrong with me. Am I so socially inept that I can't even make an acquaintance to hang around by at lunch? I sometimes feel like there's a whole social world or just another dimension to hanging out with people that I'm too stupid to pick up on. I'm such a fucking outcast that I wasn't even bullied at school. Honestly, I would have welcomed people making fun of me every day or picking on me because at least it would be an indication that I exist. It would be social contact with another human being, no matter how negative. It is even worse than being picked on to not even be acknowledged at all. Do I just have some form of autism that hasn't been diagnosed yet? It would make me feel even more broken and defective, but at least I would have a starting place to jump off of. I really just want a friend, but every time I make a friend I'm a terrible friend. I don't know what to say and I just spend all your money. I can't contribute to a friendship so it makes sense I have no friends. I could be surrounded by friendly people and still be lonely. Suicide is my way out and I can't wait to buy SN and antiemetics to end my shitty life. I'm not good enough to live it so why am I here? Sorry for the pitiful rant.

 

[Rachel74]

You are good enough, we all are. Fuck what others think, I'm past caring trying to please peoole and you know what I feel better for it.
Sending hugs xx

 

[Astral316]

I could've written this post to the letter...

We need other people to recognize us if were are to have any ounce of self-worth... not people on internet forums, not people who are paid to help us in some way... but people in close proximity who want to spend their finite time with us... or else you are just deluding yourself.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Its the ticket we got in the cosmic lottery. Its all luck and chance. I understand how you feel. Life sucks and either we find a way to power out way through it, or suffer or ctb..... Not your fault though-------- We have needs but are born into circumstances that can form us to be nearly unbale to meet those needs. Its rediculous.