I'm not going to the BBQ

[Water-Lily]

After my trigger melt down today, I think I need to stay away from the friends I've been making

One thing that they all have in common, is that they're in relationships

every single one of them

And it's starting to feel like a bigger stab in the heart.

everyone, even the people I've rejected, have all managed to find bfs and gfs

It doesn't matter how they feel about me. It doesnt matter how they treat me

I am tired of always feeling like the 3rd wheel

I can't help that I have such severe trauma and mental health issues that I cant properly connect with peopl

Anyways, the "friends" I'm supposed to go to the BBQ with are the same people who I went to the pool party with

They're all gonna be there and they want me to bring cookies

And I don't want to anymore

I don't want to be the 3rd wheel while they all hold hands and kiss each other and flaunt their love

I'm tired of it

I'm tired of seeing life throw this shit at me reminding me why I'm so fucked up I can't be with anyone

Edit: Just realized I posted this here and not in Off Topic.

I guess to keep it suicide related, I did feel like dying earlier when I saw the guy who I rejected admit to having a gf...

 

[AllFoxedOut]

I understand the feeling too well. people seem to be able to make and maintain connections so much better than me. I've got lucky with a few people. but most of them have left me, ghosted me or just moved on to better things.

I can't stand seeing other people happy in relationships irl, in anime or TV. it's a big hole in my heart I know I can't fill cus I'm a fucked up person.

I read your thread about the pool party and it sounded like you had fun. I'm sorry now you feel like you can't go.

 

[Water-Lily]

I understand the feeling too well. people seem to be able to make and maintain connections so much better than me. I've got lucky with a few people. but most of them have left me, ghosted me or just moved on to better things.

I can't stand seeing other people happy in relationships irl, in anime or TV. it's a big hole in my heart I know I can't fill cus I'm a fucked up person.

I read your thread about the pool party and it sounded like you had fun. I'm sorry now you feel like you can't go.

yeah the pool party was fun. still the 3rd wheel but they cared enough to involve me. My friend and her bf had me spend some time with them dancing

But now, what does it matter? I just can't put up with it anymore. I need boundaries in my life

I also love you pfp. so cute

And as for anime, I guess cause it's always been a coping mechanism, I don't mind romance anime. I've been binging Nana over and over

 

[AllFoxedOut]

yeah the pool party was fun. still the 3rd wheel but they cared enough to involve me. My friend and her bf had me spend some time with them dancing

yeah it's hard to escape that feeling of being the 3rd wheel even if they are trying to include you. in most groups of friends I feel like the 3rd wheel- the quiet strange one.

But now, what does it matter? I just can't put up with it anymore. I need boundaries in my life

you do! you shouldn't push yourself beyond your limit. it was great you went the pool party and had fun but if this BBQ is gonna be too much for you, it's okay to step back.

I also love you pfp. so cute

thank you ^^ foxes are my favourite animal!!

 

[MrDarkness]

I've been there before, I remember I told this girl I wanna be there to help and protect her, to ease the pain of her life. She brushed me off, she knew I had undying love for her, later that day she openly told me how she fucked a guy and regretted it, how she hates her life. I don't care anymore. I hate love, I hate myself

 

[Water-Lily]

I've been there before, I remember I told this girl I wanna be there to help and protect her, to ease the pain of her life. She brushed me off, she knew I had undying love for her, later that day she openly told me how she fucked a guy and regretted it, how she hates her life. I don't care anymore. I hate love, I hate myself

I'm so sorry :(. life can truly be unfair

I know life isn't out to "get me" but when every friend I've made are all in relationships, it feels like it

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm so sorry :(. life can truly be unfair

I know life isn't out to "get me" but when every friend I've made are all in relationships, it feels like it

I feel the same