goblin99
š¢
- Jan 12, 2024
- 35
I had a whole plan in place for when, where, and how I was going to ctb. I have to do it away from home so I booked a hotel room for it. I booked one way transportation to the hotel and ordered everything I needed. I was so ready for my ctb date.
As of writing this, my entire plan is being up-ended. Right now one of my housemates is in eviction court because she hasn't been covering her part of the rent. We might all get evicted because of this. If this happens I won't have the money to cover the hotel room and I'll need to rebook my transportation when we find somewhere new to live and lose the money I originally put towards that. Add in the fact that one of my housemates saw my self harm scars and now they're all walking on egg shells around me and I'm afraid one of them will find out about the bookings. One of them has already suggested I go back to a mental hospital (hell tf no.)
I just wish it wasn't so difficult to die. Living is the worst thing for me right now. There's nothing good about my life anymore (though I don't know if there ever was.)
As of writing this, my entire plan is being up-ended. Right now one of my housemates is in eviction court because she hasn't been covering her part of the rent. We might all get evicted because of this. If this happens I won't have the money to cover the hotel room and I'll need to rebook my transportation when we find somewhere new to live and lose the money I originally put towards that. Add in the fact that one of my housemates saw my self harm scars and now they're all walking on egg shells around me and I'm afraid one of them will find out about the bookings. One of them has already suggested I go back to a mental hospital (hell tf no.)
I just wish it wasn't so difficult to die. Living is the worst thing for me right now. There's nothing good about my life anymore (though I don't know if there ever was.)
