Venting im moving to a new country and ive never wanted to die more

[bluesoapyskies]

awhile ago i fell in love with someone online. i made the stupid mistake of uprooting my life for them and hoping that itd be some fairy tale ending. but i mean, here we are. ive never felt so exhausted and tired. this makes plans so much harder. im moving to belgium, and the one silver lining i thought thered be is that the chemical restrictions would be looser there. but they're not. this has been such a waste of time and money. i dont care about moving there at all, i have no excitement and i regret this stupid decision so much.

theres no turning back. ive already thrown so much time and money at this. any normal person would be ecstatic about an opportunity like this. but its just a remainder of how much ive messed up.

i feel so trapped and this is such a horrible feeling. ive had a couple failed attempts before and i feel like im stuck. sn seemed like a dream method but if i cant even obtain the stuff, i dont know what the hell im going to do.

i leave soon. if i knew it was going to be as hard to find what i need there as it is here, i should have just stayed here. ill be unhappy but at least id understand the system more. i really screwed myself over.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be dreadful feeling trapped in a situation like that, I hate how suicide is so unnecessarily difficult, I see it as being cruel how we cannot just leave in peace. But anyway best wishes.

 

[mothercoin]

European countries tend to have really great work/life balance and you can visit so many different countries that are just a few short hours away. Maybe you will meet a new person in France, Italy, or Belgium.

I hear your pain though and I wish you best of luck.