Venting I'm going insane living the same day over and over

[kunikuzushi]

I'm going insane living the same day over and over. My days are spent desperately attempting to find relief from this torture. But nothing makes me feel ok. Everything either reminds me of how much of a failure I am or makes me feel nothing. It's endless boredom and having nothing to do to ease the pain.

I want to end this pain.

I reach out to people and try to nurture friendships to ease the loneliness, but I can't feel any emotional connection to anyone no matter how hard I try, no matter how many years it's been, no matter how much we have in common. I'm just nothing so there's nothing to connect to.

I don't want to go through the rest of tonight with nothing to do. I have about 9 hours until I'll be tired enough to sleep. I try and try to comfort myself with music, videos, games, but I just feel tortured by the fact that I feel nothing. I can't remember the last time I was comforted.

I'm too tired and scared to plan my suicide in detail, so I just keep procrastinating and having to live another day.

 

[infinitend]

I feel exactly like this, I'm living the same way, with the same dilemmas and the same lack of courage. I would like to find a reason to live, some purpose, and that it wouldn't be something lonely.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I feel exactly like this, I'm living the same way, with the same dilemmas and the same lack of courage. I would like to find a reason to live, some purpose, and that it wouldn't be something lonely.

I'm sorry you're going through the same thing. Wishing you comfort

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I feel exactly like this, I'm living the same way, with the same dilemmas and the same lack of courage. I would like to find a reason to live, some purpose, and that it wouldn't be something lonely.

Put it perfectly.

 

[passer-by]

I found that harder I try to do something or be someone, the more I'd steer(involuntarily) in the exact opposite direction.
So I'd say maybe accept whatever is is you're feeling, judge it more lightly, don't fight it. Just be nothing for a while, see what happens.
But then again, I'm on this site as well, so how much do I really know. I do have my good days though.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I just wish to be free from the pain as well, I'll personally suffer as long as I exist, I find it so torturous and dreadful to exist. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Sunset Limited]

Maybe other people don't connect as strongly as you think. When it comes to people, you might be surprised at how little can be real. Adults usually only really love their children. Maybe deep relationships are a big expectation. You might be happier if you don't set goals for yourself in relationships. Just make yourself happy, my friend.

 

[kunikuzushi]

Maybe other people don't connect as strongly as you think. When it comes to people, you might be surprised at how little can be real. Adults usually only really love their children. Maybe deep relationships are a big expectation. You might be happier if you don't set goals for yourself in relationships. Just make yourself happy, my friend.

True. But my expectations are already extremely low. I used to have regular human interaction that wasn't deep at all and I felt a bit more "normal." But now I've been almost completely isolated from society for the past 6 years and it's actual torture. If you haven't tried it I don't think you would understand how intense that need for any sort of connection is. And I mean like the lowest form of connection like just enjoying watching something together.

 

[CTB Dream]

Me same day injury damage all samy

 

[alltoomuch2]

I'm going insane living the same day over and over. My days are spent desperately attempting to find relief from this torture. But nothing makes me feel ok. Everything either reminds me of how much of a failure I am or makes me feel nothing. It's endless boredom and having nothing to do to ease the pain.

I want to end this pain.

I reach out to people and try to nurture friendships to ease the loneliness, but I can't feel any emotional connection to anyone no matter how hard I try, no matter how many years it's been, no matter how much we have in common. I'm just nothing so there's nothing to connect to.

I don't want to go through the rest of tonight with nothing to do. I have about 9 hours until I'll be tired enough to sleep. I try and try to comfort myself with music, videos, games, but I just feel tortured by the fact that I feel nothing. I can't remember the last time I was comforted.

I'm too tired and scared to plan my suicide in detail, so I just keep procrastinating and having to live another day.

You've put it into words so well. I totally get what you're saying. It's exactly how I feel but couldn't put it together in my head. I'm so sorry you feel like this. I don't know what the answer is though sadly. But hugs anyway. Xxx

 

[kunikuzushi]

You've put it into words so well. I totally get what you're saying. It's exactly how I feel but couldn't put it together in my head. I'm so sorry you feel like this. I don't know what the answer is though sadly. But hugs anyway. Xxx

I'm very sorry you're experiencing the same thing. Thank you for the bit of comfort. Hugs

 

[Lostandfound82]

I'm going insane living the same day over and over. My days are spent desperately attempting to find relief from this torture. But nothing makes me feel ok. Everything either reminds me of how much of a failure I am or makes me feel nothing. It's endless boredom and having nothing to do to ease the pain.

I want to end this pain.

I reach out to people and try to nurture friendships to ease the loneliness, but I can't feel any emotional connection to anyone no matter how hard I try, no matter how many years it's been, no matter how much we have in common. I'm just nothing so there's nothing to connect to.

I don't want to go through the rest of tonight with nothing to do. I have about 9 hours until I'll be tired enough to sleep. I try and try to comfort myself with music, videos, games, but I just feel tortured by the fact that I feel nothing. I can't remember the last time I was comforted.

I'm too tired and scared to plan my suicide in detail, so I just keep procrastinating and having to live another day.

I feel like this as well. I'm basically bed bound living in a cold garage with just a phone. It's brutally boring. One of the few things that brings me any kind of comfort lately is doomscrolling on this website and that's definitely not a healthy past time. I have trouble reaching out to people irl because I know my problems and negativity makes people not want to be around me. I can't say I blame them.

 

[alltoomuch2]

I feel like this as well. I'm basically bed bound living in a cold garage with just a phone. It's brutally boring. One of the few things that brings me any kind of comfort lately is doomscrolling on this website and that's definitely not a healthy past time. I have trouble reaching out to people irl because I know my problems and negativity makes people not want to be around me. I can't say I blame them.

I find the off topic games and politics on this site more comforting than doomscrolling the other parts. I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation at the moment.

 

[sevennn]

True. But my expectations are already extremely low. I used to have regular human interaction that wasn't deep at all and I felt a bit more "normal." But now I've been almost completely isolated from society for the past 6 years and it's actual torture. If you haven't tried it I don't think you would understand how intense that need for any sort of connection is. And I mean like the lowest form of connection like just enjoying watching something together.

can you message me. i've also been isolated for the last 6 years

 

[Lostandfound82]

can you message me. i've also been isolated for the last 6 years

The longest I have isolated for is a year I couldn't imagine 6. I'm going on 5 months of isolation this time around.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I feel like this as well. I'm basically bed bound living in a cold garage with just a phone. It's brutally boring. One of the few things that brings me any kind of comfort lately is doomscrolling on this website and that's definitely not a healthy past time. I have trouble reaching out to people irl because I know my problems and negativity makes people not want to be around me. I can't say I blame them.

Yes this place is definitely one of the only thing that calms me down. It's ok that it's not healthy at least for me because it works. But I'm sorry you're going through something similar too.