Venting no more will to live

[whotookmylexapro]

Ive tried everything to overcome my OCD and nothing has worked. Living is literally torture at this point. ive tried over 10 medications, therapy, TMS, and ketamine, nothing has given me considerable relief. I hate this feeling. The feeling i get when i get an intrusive thought. My blood rushes to my head, i get dizzy, start sweating, and panicking. I cannot describe it well but it makes me so insidiously angry, sad, anxious, depressed, discomforted, and disgusted all at the same time

I dont want to continue anymore, its an isolating feeling. I have no one to help, nothing in this world can make me want to live unless my ocd suddenly disappears, i dont want to bother anyone with my suicidal ideation, people are only concerned with me not dying rather than me having a will to live, i dont blame them because there isnt much they can do to help anyways. theres nothing holding me back from death anymore.

Death doesnt scare me anymore, the thought of my family mourning my death makes me feel nothing, and i dont care about any good thing i could have done in this world. Ive had a huge hurricane pass by and other chaotic things and it just doesn't phase me anymore.

Ive never felt this level of hopelessness. I just want a way out of this suffering now.

 

[AbyssalAlien]

Its ok to feel this way. I hope whichever method you choose lets you go peacefully. For now, find a place alone where you can feel free. I personally go go to a very rocky coastline by the beach where I know no one will bother me and there is no phone signal. Gives me time and space to think alone with my thoughts. Maybe you need to find a place like that too.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered a lot, it's just so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing. But anyway I hope you find peace.