bunintherug
husk of a girl
- Jan 1, 2024
- 25
a few days ago i was ready to ctb. i had a plan, i had the materials i needed, and i was ready. but then my partner figured out what i was saying when i tried to say goodbye the day before. they begged me to stay, told me all the things id miss out on, and told me how much they didn't want their partner to die again, how much they didn't want to go to another funeral.
i still planned on going through with it, but my roommates woke up, which interrupted me. i've spent the last 2 days at my partners house, where they've been amazing to me.
they're the best person i've been with, and so far they've been consistent like no one else i've been with. they can deal with my bpd episodes, and don't stay angry with me, or hold the awful things i say against me.
because of that, and the fact their birthday is coming up, i decided to postpone my plan to give myself more time to think, and make a decision hopefully by their birthday.
i have DID, and certain alters of mine believe in the pro-choice view very strongly as a moral stance, and others have the opposite view. those of us who believe in pro-choice, like myself, are starting to get so mad at them.
i don't like being mad at them. i love them, and they love me, and they're so fucking amazing to me, but they coerced me into staying alive for them. for their personal benefit.
i'm trying to convince myself not to be mad, but not to be mad is to stand down on my morals, and also loosen those morals, thus further giving into their coercion.
-va
i still planned on going through with it, but my roommates woke up, which interrupted me. i've spent the last 2 days at my partners house, where they've been amazing to me.
they're the best person i've been with, and so far they've been consistent like no one else i've been with. they can deal with my bpd episodes, and don't stay angry with me, or hold the awful things i say against me.
because of that, and the fact their birthday is coming up, i decided to postpone my plan to give myself more time to think, and make a decision hopefully by their birthday.
i have DID, and certain alters of mine believe in the pro-choice view very strongly as a moral stance, and others have the opposite view. those of us who believe in pro-choice, like myself, are starting to get so mad at them.
i don't like being mad at them. i love them, and they love me, and they're so fucking amazing to me, but they coerced me into staying alive for them. for their personal benefit.
i'm trying to convince myself not to be mad, but not to be mad is to stand down on my morals, and also loosen those morals, thus further giving into their coercion.
-va
