xCharismatix
Member
- Jun 13, 2023
- 9
After reading the roadblocks and difficulties of obtaining a quick and painless death such as with the lack of access to SN, im in an absolute state of panic.
I thought I found a source. I thought I got lucky. I felt, for the first time in many, many years, a sense of hope. Of happiness. Finally. A way out. A way out of this garbage existence. I was already fantasizing about being gone. I didn't feel any fear or anxiety. The thought made me euphoric. It was unbelievable.
But I didn't. It wasn't. The opportunity didnt present itself like I thought it would. And now I'm back to the drawing board and in an intense state of panic. I feel alone. I feel angry that I live in a world where garbage people with their false sense of self righteousness think they have the right to decide if I should or shouldn't take my life.
I'm not a kid. I'm a grown man. I've had so much time to reflect and think. I want this. I want this BAD. I've learned of opportunities outside the US, but I want to go out on my own terms, in my room, alone, in peace. I demand it. I won't be told otherwise. It's a question of when, not if. I'm tired. Really fucking tired. And my soul will find rest. It must.
Please, if there's anyone out there, with any knowledge to benefit a suffering adult who only wants a quick and painless way to CTB (preferably with SN but open to other quick and painless methods), please, im begging you to have mercy and to help me.
I thought I found a source. I thought I got lucky. I felt, for the first time in many, many years, a sense of hope. Of happiness. Finally. A way out. A way out of this garbage existence. I was already fantasizing about being gone. I didn't feel any fear or anxiety. The thought made me euphoric. It was unbelievable.
But I didn't. It wasn't. The opportunity didnt present itself like I thought it would. And now I'm back to the drawing board and in an intense state of panic. I feel alone. I feel angry that I live in a world where garbage people with their false sense of self righteousness think they have the right to decide if I should or shouldn't take my life.
I'm not a kid. I'm a grown man. I've had so much time to reflect and think. I want this. I want this BAD. I've learned of opportunities outside the US, but I want to go out on my own terms, in my room, alone, in peace. I demand it. I won't be told otherwise. It's a question of when, not if. I'm tired. Really fucking tired. And my soul will find rest. It must.
Please, if there's anyone out there, with any knowledge to benefit a suffering adult who only wants a quick and painless way to CTB (preferably with SN but open to other quick and painless methods), please, im begging you to have mercy and to help me.
