Venting I’m done with this life but i’m scared of failure

[アホペンギン]

I'm done with this. I've gone to everyone i could, in desperation for help but everyone i went to proved to me that they're just like everyone else. They couldn't give a shit of whether i'm alive or dead. I don't know what to do at this point, i'm so low that i find myself thinking about ctb for the whole day, if i'm not doing something to zone me out or distract me from this world all i can think about is suicide, it's unavoidable. It's my only future at this point.

A few years ago, I had hope of a better future while being suicidal at the same time and tried to put some effort into my dreams to make them reality. Of course, it didn't work because people destroyed everything and after realizing that my problems aren't fixable, i knew that my fate would be death, by my own hand.

I'm scared of failure, though. People have been encouraging me, recently to just kill myself already and that fuels me even more to just go through with it but i'm afriad that i will fail, either SI will have something to do with it or everyone's opinions on me will change immediately, in favor of me and try saving me once they find me dying. They have been so horrible to me all my life and i don't understand one bit why they will change. I'm really hoping at this point that they'll be the same as they always were when the find me dead and won't save me. It's my only wish at this point, aside from having a successful ctb.

 

[Deathisbetter]

I know how you feel I'm sorry you have to go through this

 

[befree]

A few years ago, I had hope of a better future

What would have to happen to make you feel better?

 

[アホペンギン]

What would have to happen to make you feel better?

Well, during my childhood, my parents took away any hope from me so maybe if they didn't do it as much then i would've been able to fix myself years later.

 

[befree]

Ok. This is the cause of your present condition. Your parents' mistakes, your parents' interference with your personal development, possibly traumatization. Ask a person about his childhood and you know who you are talking to. In this case, perhaps psychotherapy would be helpful.

By the way, did you see the cat again?

 

[アホペンギン]

Ok. This is the cause of your present condition. Your parents' mistakes, your parents' interference with your personal development, possibly traumatization. Ask a person about his childhood and you know who you are talking to. In this case, perhaps psychotherapy would be helpful.

By the way, did you see the cat again?

Thanks for the advice and yes, i did see that cat again, i'm planning to buy food today and maybe gain the cats trust again.

 

[befree]

Thanks for the advice and yes, i did see that cat again, i'm planning to buy food today and maybe gain the cats trust again.

There are also books about traumatization and child development. It´s not like a psychotherapy but it helps you to understand and accept yourself better.

Good luck with the cat.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it so horrible how humans create so much suffering in this world, it must be really tiring having to suffer like that but anyway best wishes, I certainly see humans as being the worst species.