I used to try to tell myself my suicide will make my family's life worse, but I am now so convinced that my erratic nature and depression has caused them to resent me. Especially my mother. I just want to due as soon as possible so I can be free. I feel like my sisters are ignoring me because I just make their lives harder. It makes me frustrated and sad. When I try to talk to my mother about how I'm feeling, she just seems not to understand how much emotional turmoil I'm going through. I know for a fact that my life ending will just give me peace.
Feeling unworthy, unwanted, unacknowledged or unloved is a common symptom of depression and it can be further compounded by subsequent hypersensitive thoughts about how others may think of us and behave towards us. I wore that T shirt for far too many years and later learned it's called "psychic equivalence". Therapy changed this process massively.
Maybe your family don't know how to deal with your depression as it can be really hard to relate to if they haven't experienced it. They'll want to protect you but may not know how to go about it. Do you have an idea of what is causing your depressive thoughts or SI? No need to say it out loud on here BTW.
Rather than wanting to die, could you consider talking to your parents directly and telling them how you feel that you need help as in a assessment by a pro? It's a MASSIVELY hard thing to ask for help but they'll likely understand and be able to you get help from a professional.
You don't need to divulge to your parents what exactly is causing your negative thoughts as that's what psychologists and psychiatrists are there to listen to, assess and diagnose, And it will be in a confidential environment. Only you can set the wheels in motion and start to put an end this misery by taking some action. The ball is your court, my friend
