BabyYoda
F*ck this sh!t I'm out
- Dec 30, 2019
- 552
I'm here with some major updates about the shit that happened while I was inactive on this forum. BTW, I take back what I said in my last thread, I'm here to be kind again after all this mess. I don't really mean anything I said there. There was so much that happened that made me change my mind.
1.) My friend's aloofness decreased (the one I love so much, for now let's call him person D). We don't have classes together anymore this semester, and while I was walking to one of my classes I heard someone say "Sup?" I turned to my right and there he was, smiling. The first thing I noticed was his haircut, and I was like "I told you not to get a haircut! Your hair is so soft and fluffy!". That made me super happy when I entered my class still thinking about it. I spotted Person D again in another place, so I decided to go to the library with him since I still had free time. I noticed that he was chatting with some guy on his phone, and my nosy ass asked who was that. And he replied, "He's my son" (I assume he called his friend that because they were close). I said "Why don't you think the same to me?!" and then I became more depressed than ever since I was already going through a difficult depressive episode AGAIN that time. D walked to me to PE class while trying to talk to me out of it. Turns out that he's pro-life like the majority of people in the world, but he's surprisingly "rational" compared to the rest.
Me: ughhhhhhhhh I want to die!!!!!!!!!! I want coronavirus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *takes off face mask*
D: Just because nobody reciprocates doesn't mean it's the end of you.
Me: but what if that person means so much to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
D: I'll ask, why would it be the end for you?
I could not at all concentrate on my next two classes. I thought maybe I should really do it tonight despite it being against my original plan. By the time I had another one hour break, I headed to the library since he was there. He was very kind to bother talking to me about random stuff even if he was really busy that time. I cancelled my impulsive CTB. Compared to before, he's more friendly and caring (I mean in the way he shows it) to me and his other friends. Too bad he can't see how beautiful he is since he looks down on himself.
2.) My former high school classmate CTBd last Sunday. I don't know exactly what his problem was, but ever since we were still classmates I had a feeling that he held this deep inner sadness that he just couldn't express. He always masked it with his jokes and mischievousness. He was the "life of the party" of our class, and for him to disappear so suddenly from us is just.....
Even though I wasn't really close to him, I felt an empty void in me when I found about his death. I attended his funeral yesterday, and I'll be going again tonight since my former classmates will be there. I wanted to give into this chance to possibly reunite with them. Just so you know I'm not close to any of them because most of my Junior High School life was me sitting down doing my own thing not talking to anybody.
Seeing how the people I know grieved his death made me think about the time I wanted to CTB as well. I wanted so badly to end my pain, and upon visiting his funeral I felt guilty (after not feeling it) about other people having to go through a rough time.
3.) Sorry for the misconception in one of my threads about this guy being nice to me. Let's call him person E. Yes sure, he's a nice guy, but for some reason he cares about me a lot (I asked him about it). It was difficult for me to let that sink in, because I couldn't imagine any handsome high status guy being interested in me. This doesn't mean he loves me in the romantic sense. He just wants me, no labels. I don't fucking know why.
Aaaand there ya have it. Last Friday would've been the worst time to CTB since my former classmate would follow, and the people I know would have to attend two funerals and experience even more pain. Also, I didn't get to experience the things I wanted to experience before I die.
Since I'm not so suicidal these days, I don't know how much time I'll be spending on this forum. But if I do I'll probably be just chilling around the offtopic forums.
1.) My friend's aloofness decreased (the one I love so much, for now let's call him person D). We don't have classes together anymore this semester, and while I was walking to one of my classes I heard someone say "Sup?" I turned to my right and there he was, smiling. The first thing I noticed was his haircut, and I was like "I told you not to get a haircut! Your hair is so soft and fluffy!". That made me super happy when I entered my class still thinking about it. I spotted Person D again in another place, so I decided to go to the library with him since I still had free time. I noticed that he was chatting with some guy on his phone, and my nosy ass asked who was that. And he replied, "He's my son" (I assume he called his friend that because they were close). I said "Why don't you think the same to me?!" and then I became more depressed than ever since I was already going through a difficult depressive episode AGAIN that time. D walked to me to PE class while trying to talk to me out of it. Turns out that he's pro-life like the majority of people in the world, but he's surprisingly "rational" compared to the rest.
Me: ughhhhhhhhh I want to die!!!!!!!!!! I want coronavirus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *takes off face mask*
D: Just because nobody reciprocates doesn't mean it's the end of you.
Me: but what if that person means so much to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
D: I'll ask, why would it be the end for you?
I could not at all concentrate on my next two classes. I thought maybe I should really do it tonight despite it being against my original plan. By the time I had another one hour break, I headed to the library since he was there. He was very kind to bother talking to me about random stuff even if he was really busy that time. I cancelled my impulsive CTB. Compared to before, he's more friendly and caring (I mean in the way he shows it) to me and his other friends. Too bad he can't see how beautiful he is since he looks down on himself.
2.) My former high school classmate CTBd last Sunday. I don't know exactly what his problem was, but ever since we were still classmates I had a feeling that he held this deep inner sadness that he just couldn't express. He always masked it with his jokes and mischievousness. He was the "life of the party" of our class, and for him to disappear so suddenly from us is just.....
Even though I wasn't really close to him, I felt an empty void in me when I found about his death. I attended his funeral yesterday, and I'll be going again tonight since my former classmates will be there. I wanted to give into this chance to possibly reunite with them. Just so you know I'm not close to any of them because most of my Junior High School life was me sitting down doing my own thing not talking to anybody.
Seeing how the people I know grieved his death made me think about the time I wanted to CTB as well. I wanted so badly to end my pain, and upon visiting his funeral I felt guilty (after not feeling it) about other people having to go through a rough time.
3.) Sorry for the misconception in one of my threads about this guy being nice to me. Let's call him person E. Yes sure, he's a nice guy, but for some reason he cares about me a lot (I asked him about it). It was difficult for me to let that sink in, because I couldn't imagine any handsome high status guy being interested in me. This doesn't mean he loves me in the romantic sense. He just wants me, no labels. I don't fucking know why.
Aaaand there ya have it. Last Friday would've been the worst time to CTB since my former classmate would follow, and the people I know would have to attend two funerals and experience even more pain. Also, I didn't get to experience the things I wanted to experience before I die.
Since I'm not so suicidal these days, I don't know how much time I'll be spending on this forum. But if I do I'll probably be just chilling around the offtopic forums.
