Story im back! after months! worse than ever but in a new way // ed discussion

[cats333]

i dont remember when my last post on here was. i was so sure i would be dead a year ago, and i was too depressed to attempt (if that even makes sense). so i ended up pulling through, but my way to cope has been bulimia. its never been this bad. never. my teeth are rotten and i can't digest food anymore, my throat is painfully inflamed every day to the point that its given me mia cheeks.

theres an upside though, its causing me to have small moments of passing out/being exhausted physically, probably from fucked up potassium and sugar levels in my blood, and i can feel death coming. i feel it. its so close. im so excited. even months ago, despite being suicidal, i was never quite this happy to go. im so ready, i feel so happy when i think about passing from this disorder. im so ready to go.
i dont know if it counts as suicide if all im doing is just allowing myself to ctb without doing anything to stop / get better but here we are i guess.

 

[dontwakemeup]

Welcome back I'm sorry your life has come to this. I'm happy that you're happy! Did the Dr tell you death is near or you're just hopeful? You're so lucky. It sounds like a painful way to go.

 

[cats333]

unfortunately im not sure if what im feeling is correct bc i havent gotten tests done yet, but its kind of this feeling i have + the side effects of my ed that make me believe its some kind of premonition, especially because of how high the mortality rate is with eds. it is pretty painful but im not scared, im rly hopeful that itll be this way that i pass and not any other way, not sure why, maybe ive gotten too comfortable with it. itll probably be either a heart attack or my stomach rupturing but either way i hope its soon, also thank you ur so sweet

 

[dontwakemeup]

I hope you're correct and your time is near. I wish I could be so lucky. The only thing wrong with me is Vitamin D deficiency. You think if I stop my high dose of Vitamin D that will be enough to get out I have to laugh because I'm dedicated to taking my Vitamin D, especially since my Dr increased my dose

 

[cats333]

I hope you're correct and your time is near. I wish I could be so lucky. The only thing wrong with me is Vitamin D deficiency. You think if I stop my high dose of Vitamin D that will be enough to get out I have to laugh because I'm dedicated to taking my Vitamin D, especially since my Dr increased my dose

thank you!!! and also haha i dont think it would do much but its good to take it so u probably shouldnt stop :)