Venting I'll never escape.

[Lamentice]

I was raised in a cult, the cult mixed with abusive parents resulted in what I consider to be a childhood full of psychological torture.
I thought that when the opportunity came to leave ("opportunity", but I ended up getting kicked out) I'd make an escape into freedom essentially. Life would open up to me.

Well to my immense disappointment little is different. A pro & con of being raised in a cult is I get to view everything through that lens, and everyone's in a cult. Society is one huge cult, government is one huge cult, everything is one huge cult. There was no freedom to escape to. Nothing opened up to me. It's the same ordeal repeating over & over again.

I still feel trapped. I still feel scared. I still feel isolated & paranoid.
But now it's worse, there's nothing to look forward to, or hope to hold onto that something is better on the other side. Because I'm on the other side now & realized it's exactly the same.
The grass is dead on each side of the fence.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

To me, it sounds like your eyes are, at least, wide open, though having that is basically useless once you see how things really are. Nope, no green grass anywhere, at least not that I've found.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have to go through, there certainly is too much suffering in existing, to me existence certainly is so hellish.

 

[SoftWorries]

We all live inside of a capitalistic machine. There's only small gardens of freedom when you meet the right people and make micro communities within it. That's the only escape from the cult