Discussion If you were to die today, how would you feel about your life overall?

[worthless123]

It was going fine until I ruined everything beyond repair. 5/10 for those first 20 years and negative 1 billion for everything that happened after.

 

[starboy2k]

At peace - because yay death has finally chosen me
Numb - because thats how I feel now lol
Confused - because how and why the fuck did I have to be brought here? and whats next after this?

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I think the word I would use is just…. Unnecessary.

no horrible trauma happened to me.
But I never had a desire to live life It was always just getting through it. So I don't even regret or have anger over anything. Even if I was given a do over, I know I would choose the same things. It's just how I'm wired.

Ultimately, I made a little difference in anyone's life (my parents would argue that because they love me)
But I did nothing good for the world. Nothing bad either.
Very few people would actually care if I was gone.

There was really no point to my ever being born.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

Bitter for the unbalance between bad and good things and angry for the uselessness (irrelevance) of it all.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Mostly at peace I think- I hope. I did my best with what I had. I could have done better of course. There are certain things I regret. I wish I'd returned the amount of support I received from a few loved ones rather than become so selfish. On the other hand, I think there were reasons I turned out like this.

I feel like I've achieved all I really want to now, in terms what I used to feel was my purpose here- my creative job. I still care about my work but, the passion's largely gone. In some ways, it's just another chore to get through now and, I'm so tired.

I feel a lot of bitterness and resentment towards life as a thing. Both towards my parents and God (if there is one.) But, death would represent the end of all that, so maybe I wouldn't be so wrapped up in it all.

Maybe I still would be though. I'm really not at all thrilled to have been given a life full of problems and then be faced with the possibly horrific experience of death/ suicide. That's pretty sad actually because, I do love my parents still. It's not pleasant to think I may be cursing them in my last moments here. It would have been so much better if I'd died before becoming so bitter.

If I suicide though, I reckon I'll just be feeling terrified.

 

[lawlietsph]

A little bit of everything, but.. mostly defeat and exhaustion. sadness, maybe. i don't wish for a better past anymore, i am just so tired. oh yes, and shame, deep deep deep shame. i'm ashamed of how i look, how i lived, how i talk, just everything.

 

[Meimi18]

"What a fucking waste"

 

[UserFromNowhere]

It's a thought I've had a lot, where will I be when my time is gone. I've come to the conclusion that in the end, I'll accept it all. I tried my best, as much as I could.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Other: Just a complete waste of time. No feelings.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Both a tragic joke and a waste but one that ultimately I'd be happy to have over.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

I'm at peace with my life. My suicide is a result of simply reaching the end of the line with life. Sure, there are many things I'm disappointed about. There are many things that I wish had gone different. I sometimes sit and fantasize about how things would've been had I known better, had different options/resources, and whatnot. However, I'm glad that I'm able to remind myself that I did the best I could with the understanding that I had, the guidance I was given, and the resources that I had available to me. I coped with life the best ways I could, without overly harming myself. I made the best the decisions I could, based on the options I had available to me. And for that, I'm very proud of myself.

I was able to mostly overcome an abusive childhood. I got to experience many wonderful things. I got to travel and see the world. I've eaten at awesome restaurants. I owned my own business. I look back, and I realize that I did some pretty cool stuff. I did stuff I'm not proud of, and I've been a fool many times. However, I did the best I could with what I was given. And that puts me at peace with my life. I'm not going to miss much. Personally, I have a few friends who will be okay without me. I don't have a woman nor any family. My life is just at a standstill, and I'm just too tired and done with life to give this another go. This is a world that I do not want to grow old in. I don't know where people get their optimism for the future.

So, I'm okay with cashing out my tab. There's not much else to see in this world anyway. Maybe some war, or watch society turn into a harsher dystopia than what it is now. But, why would I want to do that?

 

[PrismHon]

As Bilbo Baggins would say "All of them at once I suppose!"

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I chose regret as the main one, because I believe it could've and should've been different. I find myself in this situation very much because of a lack of communication leading to a whole chain of wrong events spiralling out of control. Because I refuse to accept the wrongness of the situation, it leaves me with regret and anger. I'm not allowing sadness or tears, and instead feel empty, which could perhaps be bitterness, with a bit of numbness or confusion mixed in due to the unrealness of being in this nightmare.

 

[mourningyesterday]

a mix of them all tbh but mainly regret for wasting any chance i had but in the end i just want peace now

 

[the_etherealmuse]

At peace, because I'll no longer have to bear the weight of existence.

 

[ThatRussianDude]

What an utter fuck up you sad piece of shit.

 

[Darkover]

bumping

 

[sambrosia]

Happy that I got the experience. In an eternity of nonexistence, how blessed are we to be able to say we got to exist for a short period of time. We didn't exist before, and we won't exist after. But during, we got to experience EVERYTHING. The happy moments, sad moments, all the emotions and experiences that come with being alive. Although our existences here have been torturous (hence us being on SaSu) At least we got to experience something other than nonexistence. I personally believe there is beauty in suffering, and it's just that- we got to experience the suffering and everything else. An eternity is a long time, at least we got to feel something for a tiny moment of eternity. And for that, I'm thankful for my life and for this experience. I'll die knowing what it was like to live.

This is very pretty and kind of makes me feel better about the decision to CTB. I was thinking before that I got a chance to live and it seems cruel or ungrateful to squander it, snatch it away from myself. I wonder if all the other living things in their various forms, grass etc., regard humans jealously and want to experience life as us; or maybe untethered human souls, waiting to be born, watch us with envy. (Until they get here, then they know better, lol.) But it was going to end at some point anyway, whether I'm 20, 30, 40 or 80. And I guess in the scheme of eternity, it doesn't make much of a difference if I were to suicide at 30 versus 50. So maybe I don't have to feel bad about CTB/squandering my shot. The decision was already made, I'm just arriving early.

 

[dead dav]

Sad I had the idea of a happy marriage maybe kids instead after 2 failed relationships I'm alone again

 

[Don’tWakeMe]

Disappointed, but relieved. I've been thinking about death since I was a toddler, so it's been a long time coming. Life has never been what I hoped for or what I've worked for, and I keep struggling to claw myself an inch forward, just to fall a foot back.

 

[LetMeOut67]

"It is what it is"

 

[_Gollum_]

If I had died when I was supposed to, a year and a half ago, I would've had nothing but peace. A life well lived, but now it's time to go.

But I failed, and now I've been existing as a cosmic mistake, a blight on the universe. I will not deny that during this 1.5 year timespan there have been some moments of grace, but those are nothing but a drop in an ocean of suffering and loss that I would've rathered not have gone through.

So now, I mostly feel bitter at the fact of living past my due date.

 

[MillieXIO]

I want to be gone. I pray for a disease like cancer to manifest in me. Then I could just refuse treatment and wait. Not telling anybody. I'm sure the end would be painful. But then I could forgive the people that hurt me, because it wouldn't matter anymore. I don't have to live with the torment anymore.

 

[undo445]

If I had died when I was supposed to, a year and a half ago, I would've had nothing but peace. A life well lived, but now it's time to go.

But I failed, and now I've been existing as a cosmic mistake, a blight on the universe. I will not deny that during this 1.5 year timespan there have been some moments of grace, but those are nothing but a drop in an ocean of suffering and loss that I would've rathered not have gone through.

So now, I mostly feel bitter at the fact of living past my due date.

I agree. I had a failed attempt a few years ago by overdose and when I was dying on my hospital bed I felt nothing but peace. I was actually ready to transition. But I fucking survived and now I think about the attempt and how close I was all the time. I don't know I might give roping a try.

 

[Wolf Girl]

Disappointed, grateful, and bitter combined. I've been talking to my mom a lot about disappointment. It's one of my biggest triggers and it seems like my entire life is abject disappointment.

 

[beautifulpristine]

I'd feel at peace.

I had a sudden onset sepsis infection years ago that almost killed me. On my way to the ER, my only thoughts were "oh wow, when you read news stories of people suddenly passing of illness, this is how it goes". It felt dreamlike. I was really at peace and ready to go. Ever since surviving, I feel like I cheated death.

 

[INYGTRMTFMO]

A bit sad/regretful. I wish I could have given my daughter a better mother. I wish I could've given my husband a better wife I wish I could have given my parents a better daughter, my siblings a better sister; I wish I could have been a better friend, social worker, person.

But overall, I'd feel grateful. I was surrounded by so much love and so many good people. I've experienced so much beauty, so many sweet and wholesome and stunning and amazing moments. I hate myself, but I love the world and what it's made of. I'm glad for my life, even if I'm not strong enough to live it.

 

[kopebaldy]

Wasted.

I should have never been born. So many lives would improve dramatically if I didn't exist at all.

But unfortunately I'm here so the last 30 years have been... wasteful.

 

[paranoidpeasant]

Nothing.

That's kind of what I want. A black nothing. No afterlife. No reincarnation.

I'm tired of feeling things. Even when I go numb