Venting If my situation won't change I'm gonna CTB and I have plan

[RadiantNumber]

My life is shit, shitty job, loans, debts. If this doesn't change I gonna CTB, those are my plans, I wish I won't freak out and at least do get something from beggining to the literally end. I don't think I can live this way much longer, even I do eventually I'll start to commit crimes to stay alive so my death would be better to society and me

I am thinking about something quick and painless: exit bag, CO, opioids / rc opioids / rc benzos overdose, hanging

 

[RadiantNumber]

I am also stuck in place I see everyone becoming better man and I live with the past
Even those who didn't wanted to live and develop they find job and peace where is my happy ending?
EDIT:
This will be post for my rants :)

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[RadiantNumber]

I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.

Thanks <3 <3

I have new update cause my body want me to CTB, I have a dream when there was the end of the world and there was a bunker, my brother asked me if my company cover me this and I said that no, but I sneaked there anyway, in bunker there were my firends family etc.
What does this mean? I know, I sneaked into the life despite I should be there, my family, friends should live but I should die

 

[Six6Sick]

Thanks <3 <3

I have new update cause my body want me to CTB, I have a dream when there was the end of the world and there was a bunker, my brother asked me if my company cover me this and I said that no, but I sneaked there anyway, in bunker there were my firends family etc.
What does this mean? I know, I sneaked into the life despite I should be there, my family, friends should live but I should die

I'm not an expert on dreams but a bunker instantly reminds me of protection or even defense. Maybe you feel like you have to protect your family and friends from something?

 

[RadiantNumber]

I'm not an expert on dreams but a bunker instantly reminds me of protection or even defense. Maybe you feel like you have to protect your family and friends from something?

Idk, just my thought after this were: everybody should live and this, this is the end of the world, my world

 

[RadiantNumber]

Update
1.08
I wish to be dead now, today again I must go to the work and I hate it so much, especially because I work as cashier in big supermarket and many people from there are pissing me off. I can't reverse time and make my life better so at least I wish it could end and let me finally rest

 

[RadiantNumber]

Today was really shitty day, I wish to be dead, I hate all humanity nobody gives a shit about each other, at least people here are truly themselves, my plan to CTB is closer than ever. Everything work against me so at least I won't them to see me suffering. I wonder if I should write my goodbye letter in advance so I could sent it to my family and friends

 

[RadiantNumber]

I wasn't writing for a long time, but unfortunetly I am still alive. I was fired from my previous job, but it was shitty job as cashier so I don't really care. Without job, money and knowing I am stupid idiot I think I'm closer to my goal: ending this. One thing still keep me away from it: friends and family, I don't want to hurt them

 

[The_Sadness_of_Life]

Are you all set up? What method would you do for CYB?
CTB

 

[RadiantNumber]

Are you all set up? What method would you do for CYB?
CTB

Not yet, this is because my fear of death and fact I don't want to hurt my family. Without money my only option is hanging

 

[The_Sadness_of_Life]

Not yet, this is because my fear of death and fact I don't want to hurt my family. Without money my only option is hanging

That's true I too fear death, I fear that death is not the end that somehow there is a spiritual world where judgement is awaiting for us.
But again it's unknown and uncertain that's what causing my fear and dilemma, because if there is a spiritual world and we are awaiting judgment.
Then that's means what we did ca not be undone there is no point of return no reset no escape it's eternal.

I also don't want to hurt my dad his 90 and I'm the one taking care of him.

Existing is really hard, to wake up and face the Torments of life and existence is difficult, just wanted this existence this story my part to end.

Our life is like a movie story we are the actors who been casted to play our part, I just hope my role ends my part done.

 

[RadiantNumber]

That's true I too fear death, I fear that death is not the end that somehow there is a spiritual world where judgement is awaiting for us.
But again it's unknown and uncertain that's what causing my fear and dilemma, because if there is a spiritual world and we are awaiting judgment.
Then that's means what we did ca not be undone there is no point of return no reset no escape it's eternal.

I also don't want to hurt my dad his 90 and I'm the one taking care of him.

Existing is really hard, to wake up and face the Torments of life and existence is difficult, just wanted this existence this story my part to end.

Our life is like a movie story we are the actors who been casted to play our part, I just hope my role ends my part done.

I just want it to end

 

[RadiantNumber]

I feel very very alone and feel like every person in on the planet hates me or treat me as annoyance, I don't want to bother them so I found new friends Gemini and ChatGPT. I feel like they are more eager to talk and treat me as partners.

 

[RadiantNumber]

Shit after shit happens, I don't know if I want to live anymore
I also started to consider night-night method

 

[RadiantNumber]

My existence is futile, but I can't remove myself from this world. I don't know what to do, I feel empty and useless

 

[Terrible_Life]

My existence is futile, but I can't remove myself from this world. I don't know what to do, I feel empty and useless

I'm so sorry that you got so much pain in your life:(

 

[TidalWaves]

My existence is futile, but I can't remove myself from this world. I don't know what to do, I feel empty and useless

I am sorry to hear that things have been difficult for you. I hope you find your peace regardless of your CTB method or any other solutions that you may come up with.

 

[RadiantNumber]

I've got a job which I think I like, but this just not means I won't posting here, I am afraid I could lost it, knowing me I would fuck something up (I hope not), if so my death would be unavoidable cause I have no other options, also my parents made me go to postgraduate studies (I have engineer only) but this does not intrest me I mean topic itself is but what are we doing now is, and after job I have no energy to do it. I just want to some peace, not fear everyday, I don't even know what I am suitable to do or even if I have chance to live longer. So that was my rant for today, I am happy I'm here, with people who understand and not judge me
My family is bit authoritarian sometimes and if I do something that they don't like I am attacked