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DiscussionIdolizing suicide
Thread starterHorribleFeelings1
Start date
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nowadays i spend most of my time on SS. its an addiction. all i think about is suicide. i never felt like i have anything in commom with anyone. i feel like i dont fit in. im an outlier in this world and i dont see any reason for me to keep on going.
Felt like this for a long time. Most of my life. Can't remember pretty much anything before that. From pondering about death at like 3 or 4 Thats immediately when I started thinking death may be better for me. Knew largely from kids movies that this wouldn't be considered normal. People reacted very strongly and negatively towards death in them. Typically I knew that IRL that meant people wouldn't understand or react well if you reacted differently. This seemed to reflect in fiction
I would not go as far as to say "I idolize suicide", but thinking about it and knowing it is an option, comforts me.
When I am really ill, and can't move because my body locks down from pain, I always think "ok, worst case scenario, if this doesn't get a bit better, I can commit suicide."
Just thinking about that, in those moments, makes me feel a little better. I know that my pain has an endpoint, and that I have control over when that endpoint occurrs.
Reactions:
HorribleFeelings1, Skathon, Never Free and 1 other person
My best (and only) way to cope with depression is talk about suicide (which is in a couple of days for me (: ) I love to talk about methods, wanting to die, relating to suicide, I can talk for hours. Does anyone else idolize suicide a lot? Like being so desperate to die that I find joy in talking about dying. Maybe we can talk to each other if you do (:
I'm awful for it, I even make jokes about my own suicide and I have a real gallows humour.
I fantasise about dying by suicide and people being devastated (it's comforting because I know in reality they wouldn't). I've been this way for 10 years. Depression and suicidal ideation started 14 years ago but the true Suicide obsession was definitely mid teens as far as I remember, so yeah, probably about 10 years. You are definitely not alone with this
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