idk

[nails]

this is really annoying and my throat hurts. i don't think i was actually attempting to ctb or anything. like i don't think those counted as attempts, i was just being a little goofy.
i spent the night trying to avoid having a mental breakdown. as usual, nothing helped and i'm still on the verge of crashing out. i cleaned a lot and now i'm kinda struggling to breathe because everything smells like chemicals; but i don't really mind it. that didn't help, i still couldn't calm down as i was cleaning. i did a few different hobbies, but those just made me feel worse (nothing new). nothing was helping so i started, like, hanging myself, again, i don't know if i'd consider these attempts lol but i'll continue to call them attempts for the sake of simplicity. i knew it wouldn't work as i was doing it, but i kept trying anyways. i would go until it got to the point where i felt the whole "exploding head" thing, take my head out, do anything else for about an hour, then go back in awhile later.
i got really desperate and considered texting friends/random people; but i didn't, thank god. smartest decision i made last night, tbh.
my throat hurts really bad now and i felt as bad as i did at the beginning. i wish i had a coping mechanism or distraction.
it's 7am and i really want to sleep, i can barely keep my eyes open
idk if this is a rant or a report or something
i really want to sleep

 

[Jadeith]

For sore throat my grandma used to make a mixture of milk, honey and butter. Sweet and greasy ad nauseam but it worked. Very filling too.
As for the rest - unfortunately all i can do is to offer virtual bear hug. If you accept such things from strangers of course.