ideation pondering

[bugunmasked]

reading sasu while high feels like a warm hug. i never saw myself living to be old, so the idea of drifting away into eternal sleep; free of perceptions, free of depression & crippling social anxiety, free of disappointing others, free of expectations, free of hating myself, free of the vile fucking society that we live in... sounds fucking amazing. maybe one day i'll gather the strength to hang myself. i'd love to CTB drunk/high as hell after just having a huge delicious meal. i still want to try making music/DJing, have my own art show, get my body the way i want it & see some bands live. so it'll be some time. but CTB is a final means of control in my life, something i'm actively working on relinquishing which is so ironic lol but waiting for death sounds like torture. i'm dying when i know i'm ready to, at my own hands.

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

i still want to try making music/DJing, have my own art show, get my body the way i want it & see some bands live.

I sincerely hope you get to do all these things and that maybe they may give you positive energy to want to keep on going with life.

 

[Bishop]

While I only have positive thoughts for everyone. I though myself hate the idea of getting old. The idea of one's body becoming frail is terrifying.

 

[bugunmasked]

I sincerely hope you get to do all these things and that maybe they may give you positive energy to want to keep on going with life.

this sentiment is sweet, thank you. but honestly, i really don't know if there'd be anything worth ageing & getting sicker for. my family has bad genes & i haven't been good to my body... nor am i gonna start lol

While I only have positive thoughts for everyone. I though myself hate the idea of getting old. The idea of one's body becoming frail is terrifying.

i 1000% feel this