Venting i would ctb right now if i had the opportunity

[trist]

i can't do it because i don't have sn yet and i'm not home alone. i know there are other methods but i shouldn't act on impulse, even though it's difficult not to do so at the moment. my parents are the reason i am so sure of dying right now (they're the ones that tip me over the edge most of the time). i'm actually feeling sad to the point i almost cried and i haven't cried in ages + i'm constantly emotionally numb so sadness feels a little strange. i already knew today would suck because i was forced to go to church again, but it got worse than i expected. i feel so suffocated.

i actually have a lot more to say but i can't verbalize it. why is that so hard for me? i wish i could talk to someone in real life but i can't. i have a friend but i know she doesn't want to talk and i don't want to burden her with my useless complaints again. i also decided to stop reaching out to people to see if someone else makes the first move and so far no one has said anything to me in a week (except for unpersonal university stuff). i don't blame them though, i wouldn't want to talk to me either.

i'm not sure what i tried to achieve by posting this. i guess i just needed an outlet.

 

[SilentSadness]

Me too, I hate existing and would be long gone if only I had a ctb method. Unfortunately, the people who restrict methods relentlessly are ignorant and hateful. I definitely empathise with your sadness and rarely cry anymore, I've come to accept how brutal and horrific this reality is. I hope you can find a way out of this mess that's not your fault.

 

[trist]

Me too, I hate existing and would be long gone if only I had a ctb method. Unfortunately, the people who restrict methods relentlessly are ignorant and hateful. I definitely empathise with your sadness and rarely cry anymore, I've come to accept how brutal and horrific this reality is. I hope you can find a way out of this mess that's not your fault.

thank you, your words mean a lot to me.

 

[LittleJem]

In UK, try calling the Samaritans. They are there to listen. It doesn't change anything, but it can help just to speak to someone. 116 123.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's very much understandable just wishing to be free from this hellish world, I hate how suicide is so unnecessarily difficult and complicated, I certainly do believe we deserve the option of a peaceful exit. Life really is so unnecessarily cruel and it's awful how humans just create more harm, the reality is that we are all alone, most people are too self centred to care about the suffering of others.

 

[Viranamari]

Same here. I'd CTB any day but I can't due to the lack of achievable method and survival instinct. Life is just too unnecessarily difficult and existence is nothing but a burden. I wouldn't open up to anyone if I were you since humans are selfish and most wouldn't care of other people's suffering. Your feelings are very much understandable and valid. I certainly hope things get better.

 

[trist]

Same here. I'd CTB any day but I can't due to the lack of achievable method and survival instinct. Life is just too unnecessarily difficult and existence is nothing but a burden. I wouldn't open up to anyone if I were you since humans are selfish and most wouldn't care of other people's suffering. Your feelings are very much understandable and valid. I certainly hope things get better.

yeah i actually opened up to my friend in the past and she told my parents so that only made everything worse. thank you