Venting I wish it didn't come to this

[Reflection]

So I have been recently making a sort of bucket list for the upcoming year, since there's a 80% chance it will be my last...and each time I have to make adjustments to it and cut things off because of the time constraint, which really gets me thinking about how much I actually enjoy life hadn't I been put in these circumstances. It literally takes one thing to solve everything but it's not something I get to decide and there's nothing I can do about it to change it...either I go or sit down and keep suffering.

Oh well.

 

[affirmatice]

Same here. I can pinpoint one thing that is the cause of all my suffering.

Some would say that I'm ill and I just chose this one thing to hyper fixate on. I don't agree. In the past before this happened, I was happy, dying was the scariest thing I could think about.

If this one thing was solved, I have no doubt that my life would be completely different. But it's not possible.

I too, have those moments where I think "damn life would actually be amazing if not for this".