J
jojobanana
Member
- Oct 8, 2023
- 7
I have wanted to die for as long as I can remember. It's never been a feeling or thought that has left my mind. Even when I'm genuinely happy, I think about when things will end. I'm 23 now and I never imagined myself being this age.Every year I hope this is my last year. I don't think i'm supposed to be alive, I feel so disconnected from everyone, I hate leaving my house (even though I do out of obligation). I have tried to CBT before but I didn't know how, I don't know how even now. I know I dont want to die a violent death. but there aren't many options where i live because everything is made illegal. You will likely be hospitalised and shamed for expressing your will to die here. Nobody actually cares if you want to die here, truly all they care about is how it would make others feel. I only have one session left of my therapy sessions (out of 16 that I was allowed on the NHS) and i've been careful not to mention once that if given the opportunity i most certainly would choose to die because the consequences are worse than dying, being hospitalised but always still wanting to die. i hope i will find kind and likeminded people here that i can talk to about this openly and i hope soon i'll be able to act on this that i have always wanted to do or move to a county that respects my freedom to choose for myself. The pain is so unbearable and physical just because you cannot see it and you cannot cure it.