Venting I wish I could get seriously ill

[sisyphean-nightmare]

When I woke up this morning by this intense extremely localized headache that came in short bursts along with my pulse. I thought I had gotten a stroke for a second. I felt relieved, thinking I was finally going to get to die. It went away and I felt so disappointed. I have had two severely infected wisdom teeth that I haven't been able to treat due to PTSD for around 6 - 7 years. Everyone says how bad tooth infections are but still nothing. No sepsis, no spreading to my heart. Not even if I skip brushing. I've been at a cardiology intensive care unit for bradchardia (46 BPM) and a concerning ECG + extremely low BP. Still nothing, my heart is fine. I really wish it could just happen. I don't deserve living. I don't deserve being healthy and comfortable.

 

[Crow_88]

I did have a stroke this summer that just went past. Half my body went numb and I could barely see. I thought that was it. That everything was going to end. And I healed perfectly. Such bullshit.

 

[E Butler]

This is literally my dream. That the cause of all my health problems turns out to be a tumour and it's either treatable and I survive and all my problems go away or I'm given a few months to live and I'm in absolute bliss knowing it's all going to be over soon.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I have some shit wrong with me, but sadly, arthritis won't kill me, and COPD won't kill me right away, it'll just be a long, painful process of dying. I'm not waiting any longer than I have to.

 

[divinemistress87]

I wish I could get a terminal illness then I could qualify for Euthansia

 

[tartvinegar]

Same, so many people who want to live and have so many who love them die early or get a terminal illness. And so many people get into car accidents and die every day.

It just feels so easy for other people to die, but for me, it's so hard and I want to just disappear so badly. I literally pray for cars to hit me so I can die.

I tried to induce a heart attack by ODing on potassium (60 pills). It was gnarly, I was vomitting and ended up in ER; but sadly fine. No damage or heart attack. I'm still praying I'll get a heart attack and die soon.

 

[_Maya]

I always wanted to have some sort of health condition, i know it would likely make my life horrible, but i just want something to kill me. Even if i lived, people would atleast begin to give a shit about me.

 

[eliosilver99]

Felt.. I have a few near black spots on my body, I think it's just birthmarks but I've been fantasising about it turning out that I've had cancer or something all along.

If I was told I had two or three years to live that would be so nice.. I could get some last few things done before dying. Everyone would have time to accept it and move on. No pressure to keep going or make it in life, just getting to be free for a while and then go to rest. It sounds perfect really.

I should take a trip to Chernobyl or something, lol. Worst case is the Russians kill me. Oh nooooo