I will never stop suffering.

[ForgottenTomb]

My life has already ended and I am having trouble accepting it. I am so desperate for everything to be better, but nothing every improves with me. The only skill I have is driving myself crazy. Constantly, just constantly I find new ways to drive myself crazy. There is no way to escape it, yet I am trying so hard to be in a better mindset, but when it comes to me, nothing gets better.
I don't want to keep trying to feel better out of desperation with nothing to show for it. I am tired of thinking. I am tired of trying out of desperation. I am overwhelmed with life even though I do less than a rock, yet I am completely exhausted. I am driving myself crazy for nothing. I will not be rewarded with a ''better future''.
I cannot hurt my sibling like this, but I am distressed beyond belief and there is nothing anyone can do to help. There is no sign that there will be relief. I can't make my family see that this is good for me. I really want to find my peace, but I cannot do this while alive. I wish they would see this. I feel like life is an uphill battle I will never win. It has always been over, my life has already ended, I hope one day I will just fully accept it without torturing myself like this.

 

[HopelesslyAlive]

I am sorry you feel like this, and I totally get where your coming from. I feel quite the same in the sense of, my life is over, I have no reason to keep trying, yet for some reason I just haven't done it yet, mostly, like you for fear that I would seriously hurt my sibling and I would never wish my suffering on them. Yet, in your case, it is very commendable that you have actually tried to get better and you have tried to get in a better mindset, to no avail unfortunately, and I am sorry that you feel you cannot find peace.