I will never stop being suicidal

[TheLastYoyo]

Daily suicidal urges and desires. I'll have maybe one day per week where I don't feel suicidal, if I'm lucky. Zoloft, which I started 1.5 months ago, is helping, but even if it numbs the extremes, I'm still left with depression. I'm still left with...nothing. A nothing me. I have no point in life. I( don't feel real. I don't feel happiness. My entire life is spent waiting for the next minute to pass. Even now, I wait.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Daily suicidal urges and desires. I'll have maybe one day per week where I don't feel suicidal, if I'm lucky. Zoloft, which I started 1.5 months ago, is helping, but even if it numbs the extremes, I'm still left with depression. I'm still left with...nothing. A nothing me. I have no point in life. I( don't feel real. I don't feel happiness. My entire life is spent waiting for the next minute to pass. Even now, I wait.

When I had first joined the site I was suffering from not being able to feel anything.
I had been relapsing into sex addiction and self-harming, and I would like to let you know that things get better if you put the effort in...

The problem is when we are so used to misery we see it as a past present and the future kind of deal and it's really not. Right now I'm heavily considering CTB again, but for moral reasons more than just general depression.

I'm not going to claim to be able to cure the depression that you suffer, but what personally helped me a lot was talking to myself out loud and how you talk to yourself is very important.
It might sound weird but I suggest you give it a try and remind yourself that you're not those little intrusive thoughts that slander you.

 

[grapevoid]

Daily suicidal urges and desires. I'll have maybe one day per week where I don't feel suicidal, if I'm lucky. Zoloft, which I started 1.5 months ago, is helping, but even if it numbs the extremes, I'm still left with depression. I'm still left with...nothing. A nothing me. I have no point in life. I( don't feel real. I don't feel happiness. My entire life is spent waiting for the next minute to pass. Even now, I wait.

What are you doing outside of medication to treat your depression?

I'd like to introduce the possibility that suicidal ideation could persist no matter how good you feel or how managed your other symptoms are. I only mention it to say, focus on the other symptoms - if they are under control is may be easier to move your brain away from the suicidal thoughts quickly.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand seeing no point to the suffering, it's cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, wanting to not exist is all I personally know and I'll always wish to be gone no matter what, I'm sorry you have to suffer in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best.