i went through intensive outpatient therapy and i hated it

[Yume Nikki]

i was pressured by my nocd specialist to go through IOP for chronic depression and couldn't stand how robotic the therapists were. even when admitting the horrific abuse endured throughout my childhood it felt like every session or convo was forced or boring as if they had no interest in what i had to say. like it's fucking sad that i get better responses and advice from chat gpt then professional psychiarists who are supposed to help me get better. and of course this is not an anti-therapy post but maybe a critique of the medical care system.

one of the main reasons i stopped doing IOP was because it reminded me of my ex. (we both met at a mental hospital and had to go through iop) so when i went through the program again a second time, the flashbacks of him would not go away even with different doctors. i tried to explain this to my therapist but she kept pressuring me to continue the program despite the financial burden it will put on my mom.

idk why i try anymore, no one cares about what i have to say anyway.

 

[Salting the wounds]

I do care about what you have to say.
I'm sorry for what happened to you, I'll tell you a little bit about my little world.
I realized that the professionals are a scam, it took them 7 years to diagnose my disease.
I've been suffering from this shit since I was 16, wandering around on medication.
But not everything was so dark, I lived very fast, I made many friends, many partners, very bad things, very good things.
The last thing that happened to me is that I had a psychotic break in a rehab clinic (cocaine) and I drove everyone crazy, I ended up running away.
I'm a "normal" guy at first glance that's the funny thing.
In one of my manic episodes I ended up getting high with a street person for 3 days and then we almost beat each other to death.
I see life in a very strange way.
Every day I'm on the verge of suicide but I come up with some funny and dangerous stupid thing to do.
Sometimes it's fun to be really sick