Discussion I want to make friends but i find people boring

[3shells]

"You just have to go out", "You have to give people a chance" are the 2 generic pieces of advice i hear from people when it comes to making friends but they start feeling grating to hear when just going out to meet people feels like a chore, and that every time i've "gave a chance" for someone to know them better they've turn out to be just as boring as they were on 1st glance. The few people i actually enjoy talking to online are very few and i "clicked" with them basically immediately when i started to talking to them.

I've never found a person irl who i found boring at 1st turn out to be interesting, it seems the overwhelming mass of people in this world are like that to me. I've figured that the issue lies with me being a person so de-attached from other people so i can't really blame anyone else for that, but it does feel frustrating when (to me at least) the human experience is almost entirely built on other people and i feel i've been excluded from that for basically my entire life.

 

[tonicer]

What do you find interesting in people or in other words if you could how would you make the perfect friend?

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

"You just have to go out", "You have to give people a chance" are the 2 generic pieces of advice i hear from people when it comes to making friends but they start feeling grating to hear when just going out to meet people feels like a chore, and that every time i've "gave a chance" for someone to know them better they've turn out to be just as boring as they were on 1st glance. The few people i actually enjoy talking to online are very few and i "clicked" with them basically immediately when i started to talking to them.

I've never found a person irl who i found boring at 1st turn out to be interesting, it seems the overwhelming mass of people in this world are like that to me. I've figured that the issue lies with me being a person so de-attached from other people so i can't really blame anyone else for that, but it does feel frustrating when (to me at least) the human experience is almost entirely built on other people and i feel i've been excluded from that for basically my entire life.

getting friendzoned by ppl youre romantically attracted to counts as making friends right?

Should feel more emotions than boredom if you do that

 

[3shells]

What do you find interesting in people or in other words if you could how would you make the perfect friend?

I don't know, i wish i could describe them but i guess the kind of person i'd like to hang out with would be similarly a social outcast like me with a similar dogshit sense of humour. Interests don't have to overlap but i do enjoy discussing things and topics in deeper ways than most "normies" would (i know that sounds fucking cringe but idk how else to put it)

getting friendzoned by ppl youre romantically attracted to counts as making friends right?

Should feel more emotions than boredom if you do that

I don't get romantically interested in people and from what i've hear friendzoning sucks for both parties usually lol, also it'd just make me feel like a fucking weirdo which i'd despise

 

[Spite]

I feel that same exhaustion and frustration with meeting new people. It really feels like most people are NPCs who all have the same typical interests and have the same conversations about stuff like which football team won the match over the weekend, or they will talk about the weather, or the latest popular trending media, or surface-level political discourse and whatnot. It's just boring and tiresome to have to trudge through all of that and not feel any proper connection with most people. Most of my hobbies and interests are very esoteric and off-the-wall stuff that the vast majority of people can't relate to, so that in itself makes it difficult to form friendships. You might relate to that.

 

[Lamentice]

I am definitely boring to people I've just met and am unfamiliar with. If someone's only recently met me, they can expect only small talk (or even just silence if the small talk becomes too dry), anything more serious is effort & energy & trust that just don't exist in new relationships for me. I suspect you don't function like that and you keep meeting people who do, generally most people are slow to give access to the more interesting, potentially vulnerable aspects of themselves.

"I know, it's been storming all weekend, sucks cause I've been itching to finally enjoy some summer bike riding."

"What do you do for work?"

"You seen this new movie? I've heard-"

"What hobbies are you interested in?
I've been taking a pottery class recently..."

"I'm going to a concert next month of an artist I just recently got super into-"
"You got any fun plans coming up?"

Safe, non-intrusive, and you're still learning important aspects about a person's day-to-day life & interests. This is how most relationships start and that's normal, trust and access are 2 things earned and gained. People likely aren't boring, they're just boring to you because you're expecting depth and access to someone's innerworld without invested time and effort; without establishing that you're a safe person.

Frankly, for many people, what you're describing is alarming as well.

 

[3shells]

I feel that same exhaustion and frustration with meeting new people. It really feels like most people are NPCs who all have the same typical interests and have the same conversations about stuff like which football team won the match over the weekend, or they will talk about the weather, or the latest popular trending media, or surface-level political discourse and whatnot. It's just boring and tiresome to have to trudge through all of that and not feel any proper connection with most people. Most of my hobbies and interests are very esoteric and off-the-wall stuff that the vast majority of people can't relate to, so that in itself makes it difficult to form friendships. You might relate to that.

Yeah, this is basically how i feel word for word. I guess most people are satisfied being normal and boring but i get nothing out of engaging with people like that.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

I don't get romantically interested in people and from what i've hear friendzoning sucks for both parties usually lol, also it'd just make me feel like a fucking weirdo which i'd despise

Hmm cant help the first part

Could potentially suck but not all the time. Really depends on both sides expectations

thought it was worth a mention cuz it has friend in it

 

[discreetmadness]

I don't think anyone is truly boring, and it's rude to call them NPCs. I have this thing where the first time I meet somebody I will always dislike them, and it just takes multiple meetings for me to be able to start trusting them, even online. I wish I could connect instantly like you all talk about.

 

[SASU-KE]

Even though it can be exhausting to make friends, you must try. We need to talk to people for our own sanity. We physically need to. It's better for us.

It's the only reason I talk to people here.

Spoiler

OK,I'm kidding lol

 

[discreetmadness]

Even though it can be exhausting to make friends, you must try. We need to talk to people for our own sanity. We physically need to. It's better for us.

People are social animals. We go crazy without human contact and our lines of thinking become warped.

 

[death over slavery]

People are social animals. We go crazy without human contact and our lines of thinking become warped.

I agree especially that back then when I cut a ton of people with myself (essentially became a loner), I lost communication skills. But my aptness to social situations is a double-edged sword; I talk to people to not get bored, but when you have no choice but to surround yourself with people who do not share your perspective or isn't just in your criteria, I feel that peer pressure and can warp my thinking.

I value solitude for giving me the ability to think for myself.

 

[tonicer]

I don't know, i wish i could describe them but i guess the kind of person i'd like to hang out with would be similarly a social outcast like me with a similar dogshit sense of humour. Interests don't have to overlap but i do enjoy discussing things and topics in deeper ways than most "normies" would (i know that sounds fucking cringe but idk how else to put it)

That doesn't sound cringe at all. I feel the same and have to be very careful what i say around other people because i kinda want more connections. Right now i only have my mother and some guys i met through a certificate study group but i feel if i say what's really on my mind they distance themselves completely from me.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I hope to find folks when I move, and cultivate them around some hobbies I have. But honestly find the burden of friendship is often too much. Something happened to people post lockdown - and there are so many unhealed people I want nothing to do with. It's not just that they're boring, it's that they're unhealed.

I have someone who's always pushing to hang out, and when I last saw them, I realized she's someone who seems to argue for now reason, and I found myself shutting down around her. We've had a few times where we've had fun out at drinks, but the inconsequential things she's fighting over ("I don't agree that...") just makes me very uninterested in her at all. I'm really happy to be moving and focusing on that rather than social connections. I've found most people boring, and as with the case of this person, they'll constantly send me memes - like 6 messages in a row of stuff to watch. I find all the reels really too much, and since I'm going back to school I only plan to have friends who share my goals, my interests, my interest in my intellectual life and don't waste their time. Now if only I could find them :). (Looking into that in the new place)