Hell-On-Earth
Born to suffer
- Apr 22, 2022
- 75
I don't usually make these sorts of posts but I'm just so angry and lost, and I don't know what to do.
A few weeks back I attempted to ctb using SN. I'd just got out of a psyc ward, I was there for 6 weeks. I messed up the attempt as I took too many benzos, blacked out, and started shouting stuff which alerted my family. I woke up in A&E after which I was sectioned and put back into a psyc ward for another 2 weeks. On my release I found that my family had taken away all my pills and remaining SN. They now open all my mail so ordering more stuff in is a nightmare.
If I'm unable to order more SN (my only hope is a PO box) I just don't know what to do. I was trying to jump in front of a train a few days back but couldn't bring myself to do it. I did by a rope and make a noose today but I live in a busy city and I have no idea where I'd find a good place for full suspension. I found one tree in one of the woods nearby but I'm terrified of being found and then suffering in a vegetative state for the rest of my life.
The psyc wards didn't help at all, they actually made me worse, and now I have no SN and might have to risk hanging myself in a place where I could be found. I hope to god the PO box works out.
This is actually hell. I don't want to be alive.
A few weeks back I attempted to ctb using SN. I'd just got out of a psyc ward, I was there for 6 weeks. I messed up the attempt as I took too many benzos, blacked out, and started shouting stuff which alerted my family. I woke up in A&E after which I was sectioned and put back into a psyc ward for another 2 weeks. On my release I found that my family had taken away all my pills and remaining SN. They now open all my mail so ordering more stuff in is a nightmare.
If I'm unable to order more SN (my only hope is a PO box) I just don't know what to do. I was trying to jump in front of a train a few days back but couldn't bring myself to do it. I did by a rope and make a noose today but I live in a busy city and I have no idea where I'd find a good place for full suspension. I found one tree in one of the woods nearby but I'm terrified of being found and then suffering in a vegetative state for the rest of my life.
The psyc wards didn't help at all, they actually made me worse, and now I have no SN and might have to risk hanging myself in a place where I could be found. I hope to god the PO box works out.
This is actually hell. I don't want to be alive.