shadow999
Student
- Sep 6, 2024
- 126
Just need to vent. I should be getting my SN in a week or so, hopefully sooner. The website I ordered it says the 17th through the 22nd and it hasn't arrived yet. I live with family, I don't even want them to know I'm getting a package but they are usually home so that may be difficult. Kind if wish I could get a PO box for this but at least I can track the package, plus I don't have the right paperwork to get a PO box.
Also having some anxiety about the method itself. I'm unable to get benzos and the AE I was able to get has a very strong side effect (olanzapine, restlessness) so I am most likely going to attempt to CTB without them. I have antacids and OTC painkillers though.
A little worried my SI will be too strong but I guess it's not the end of the world if I call for help. I just really want to CTB as painlessly as possible. I've read a lot of accounts of SN poisoning and even found one video. They range from peaceful to somewhat disturbing. I tried hanging but the pain was too much and I was able to get myself down. I'm somewhat worried about the increased heartrate and some of the breathing symptoms. However I am consoled by the fact that you will be unconcious within 15 minutes. I have studied this method and am sure I want to do it despite the uncomfortability, it seems to be the most painless method I can access. I plan on doing it deep in the woods where it would be difficult for anybody to find me and for help to arrive in a timely way. I can't do this anymore. Everyday is hell thanks to psychosis and depression and my anhedonia will not budge, I have lost the ability to happy. Anyways I just needed to vent here.
Best wishes and thanks for reading.
Also having some anxiety about the method itself. I'm unable to get benzos and the AE I was able to get has a very strong side effect (olanzapine, restlessness) so I am most likely going to attempt to CTB without them. I have antacids and OTC painkillers though.
A little worried my SI will be too strong but I guess it's not the end of the world if I call for help. I just really want to CTB as painlessly as possible. I've read a lot of accounts of SN poisoning and even found one video. They range from peaceful to somewhat disturbing. I tried hanging but the pain was too much and I was able to get myself down. I'm somewhat worried about the increased heartrate and some of the breathing symptoms. However I am consoled by the fact that you will be unconcious within 15 minutes. I have studied this method and am sure I want to do it despite the uncomfortability, it seems to be the most painless method I can access. I plan on doing it deep in the woods where it would be difficult for anybody to find me and for help to arrive in a timely way. I can't do this anymore. Everyday is hell thanks to psychosis and depression and my anhedonia will not budge, I have lost the ability to happy. Anyways I just needed to vent here.
Best wishes and thanks for reading.
