Venting I want to CTB now

[HarmonicScreams]

I have a 357 with hollow tip ready to go.
I just can't commit.

I don't know if I am going to CTB rn. I really want to. I want to just forget anything ever happened. And I know that CTB is going to give me that. It is going to give me nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I crave it. Just to not exist.

But this life is addictive. I can't let go of my cat. She would be devastated. I would die for her.

I don't want to spread any pain by dying. I don't want to be selfish. But I fucking hate this life. Why was I ever born?

 

[SewerslideHoliday]

If you have second thoughts you probably aren't ready to go yet.
Only you can truly know if you are or not but that's how I feel about it.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I feel you there. It's such a struggle to be here when everyday tasks feel like a huge chore, and all I want to do is drink my damn SN and go. I wish it wasn't so hard.

 

[HarmonicScreams]

Existence is a mistake. That is all I know :/

 

[HarmonicScreams]

Nobody cares. Nothing matters. I am a piece of shit. Nobody loves me, they all pretend for their own self benefit.

 

[HarmonicScreams]

I have a gun and a railroad track. If I cant shoot myself, or my head will get run over by a giant metal train.

 

[FuneralCry]

I very much understand hating existing here, the thought of permanently not existing with everything finally forgotten about certainly is so incredibly appealing to me. But after all only you know when the time is right for you to leave, at least having the option of the gun method means that you aren't trapped here. I wish you the best, I agree that existence certainly is a mistake, the existence of life truly is horrifying to me.