I want to ctb, but I want to make sure I do it at the right time

[ghostgoth]

I want to ctb, but I wanna make sure that there is nothing left in my life that will make me want to back out of it. I have no more friends, quite literally, so I don't have that to worry about. My boyfriend currently wants to stay away from me as he can't handle my mental health and my low mood, I know he would kill for me, but if he can't even be around me then maybe he's better off with someone else who is better than me.
My family is the hardest, the youngest
sibling of 5 is 7 (I'm 23 and the oldest), the trauma on them is the most difficult part, but I have considered running away and cutting contact so it's not so hard on them. I know people will hurt from my death, but I want to make it as pain free as I can before I go through with it. Any way to distance and make it less hard for them for when I finally go through with it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that when it comes to family members they will suffer no matter what even if one tries to distance from them. But I guess that one could write a note so they aren't left with as many unanswered questions, but the fact is that grief and loss are simply an inevitable part of life and no matter what we all have to die and lose everything someday. If people don't wish to deal with loss then they shouldn't so selfishly decide to bring life here in the first place.