I used to lurk here as someone who wanted to end it. I now want to hold the torch for others in recovery. I got all of my mental illnesses cured!

[TooMuch.]

The wording just feels like there's like REALLY something up, but like ok I guess?

 

[etherealgoddess]

The wording just feels like there's like REALLY something up, but like ok I guess?

Believe what you want to believe, but I am not selling anything, and the YT link I sent is not my video.

Wanted to make an update on my progress.

I finished my healing permanently about a month ago. When I made this, I was already at the end. I had a couple of regressions since I made this, but by now, I would already have a regression. I have had none. It is permanently finished. This challenges the notion that "healing is a lifelong process." I finished it in nine months. I will update if something comes up, but I really do doubt it because I never went longer than two weeks without a regression.

I have no desire to commit suicide. I do not feel depressed at all. I do feel bored because the healing has completely changed my personality, and I don't know what I like anymore. I value different things, so it's a journey to rediscover myself.

My full healing with a history of extreme C-PTSD took me about 250 hours of healing. You can do, on average, one hour per day. It usually looks like 3 hours every 3 days. It took me a total of nine months. And I am free from the mental shackles. It slowly went from 3 hours every 3 days to getting to 2 hours. Sometimes it would take the whole day because I would have to play around and experiment with what would actually help to release it. It changes based on the memory. But then by the end, I was doing about 20-30 min every day, and the intensity was much lower by the end. The intensity and time lowered over time.

Sometimes I find it surprising how beautiful the world is. But it's also like... sometimes I miss the chaotic crazy highs lol. Something I am getting used to is the fact that I don't have anything that I really crave. I like everything and dislike everything in a nonintense way. I can do things that I have to do very easily, but I also don't get the satisfaction that I normally would before from hobbies because it's like everything is just not as intense. It's a strange experience. Maybe I need to find new hobbies to adapt to my new personality (because of healing). I'm working on it. Before, it was super hard to pull myself off a Youtube video or a video game. Now it's effortless.

I also notice that I am not as jaded. Being treated like shit makes me want to leave (love the healing for that), but I don't feel so bothered by it like I would in the past. Before, a friendship breakup or relationship breakup would be really hard. I resorted to isolation because the pain was way too much. But I think I might actually be able to handle a social life. I can get over people and situations so quickly. It's not emotional immunity. It's more so that everything hurts a lot less, and it's a lot easier to get over it.

Also... what shocks me is how easy it is to function as a human being. Like WTFF???????? IT WAS THIS EASY??? No wonder these kids I knew in school who weren't nearly as smart as me could get way better grades. I couldn't brush my teeth and wash my face everyday before because it was so hard. Now it's effortless to do like a normal day of human work. Like WOOHOOOOOOO!!!

There is hope if you are reading this (unless you are terminally ill or something).

I wanted to make another update.

So, childhood regressions have completely subsided. Childhood regressions have distinct traits that make them childhood regressions--it has a much heavier, darker feeling. I feel like my entire psyche is fully back online. I don't feel like any parts of myself are stuffed down anymore.

However, something I have noticed is that because so many events happened in my life while so many parts of my psyche were shut down, I am having to process reality now on an emotional level. All the parts of my psyche that were not online to process everything are now trying to process reality again. There are a lot of events that happened while I was very depressed that were not fully processed. My body feels the need to go through old memories and process them. These memories are annoying and aggravating, but they are not as agonizing as processing childhood wounds. I also am processing that I wasn't actually there all of those 7 years. It is very trippy because when I see people from my past, they feel like it was a long time since they last saw me, but I feel like it was yesterday. My sense of time is incredibly distorted. But they process pretty quickly. A lot of it was just me allowing these stupid, narcissistic people to keep taking from me while giving me nothing. After I heal from reality wounds that weren't processed, I feel this overwhelming feeling that I love to be alive. It isn't a dopamine hit. It's like an insane feeling of contentment where I am just happy to be alive, even if I am doing nothing.

I think that I might be unintentionally doing the therapy practice where you go back into your past and figure out a timeline of your past because I notice my body going back in the past and processing past events like that. I get a little anxious and a little bit like I lose the meaning of life but weirdly, it's not in a depressed way at all. I don't feel suicidal or any desire to kms. It's just like anxiety and just not feeling so much joy when these memories are coming back up to be processed. On the other hand, childhood regressions would put me into a slightly depressed feeling when the memories were coming up, so they were a bit more difficult.

 

[MapleS]

can I get a hug that cures the most recent trauma, please?

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

No. No one can say I've sold anything because I haven't. I just want to help others considering that I found a miracle and can help someone else.

I think it says it all that multiple people here have noted if someone follows what you do for your 'miracle' and it ends up badly, that family and friends potentially could find this site, including your post, and we don't need additional scrunity. But I suppose you don't care - you got your clicks, right?

Most have us have talked about things we have found useful for recovery, and most of us aren't using incredibly loaded language like 'miracle', and we take care in what we're saying and that with EMDR we've noted it's not something you can just do by yourself, because most of us are not trained therapists.

But you got your 15 minutes, and am glad we don't have to hear from you again on this. I suspect many of us also have you blocked, so think how bad it has to be if someone's blocking you.

 

[etherealgoddess]

can I get a hug that cures the most recent trauma, please?

I love you

 

[MapleS]

I love you

thank you <3