Venting I tried to hang myself this evening and failed

[thatlatealready]

I want to die so badly.

I am at my wit's end. Tomorrow I will try full suspension I think. My mum doesn't seem to worried, she often copes with this through denial, so I probably won't be watched. I might try again tonight if I can't get some sleep.

My first choice of method isn't available - the medication seems to be out of stock everywhere.

Hanging is hard. I tried partial suspension and, despite taking a few different attempts at it, I'm still alive. It's so hard to overcome the instinct to fight. No matter how much I want to die, my body persists in trying to keep me alive. It's like I'm watching myself in third person fight against the rope. My logical brain wants to die. The lizard brain? Not so much.

My neck hurts. I've pinched a nerve and I've got shooting pain up and down my arm going into my jaw/face. The paramedics didn't reckon it was anything to be worried about, but it's still sore.

I strongly doubt the doctor will call me back before I'm gone.

I can't play this game anymore. I'm done. I'm ready to go.

 

[Gonnerr]

I feel so bad for you , a tragic society where we are kept here without our consent. Good luck to end your suffering. Have a peaceful escape.

 

[FuneralCry]

I see it as being so horrible how it's this difficult to finally be free from this hellish world, humans deserve the option to just be able to pass away in peace without risks and complications, but anyway I hope that you find the freedom you search for, failing ctb sounds so awful to me and is what I fear, I envy those who succeeded in hanging.

 

[RhapsodyinBerserk]

Yeah SI is really the hardest thing to overcome. Wish you the best of luck in whatever future endeavor you choose.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Have you read this:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-to-hang-yourself.1183/

 

[thatlatealready]

Have you read this:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-to-hang-yourself.1183/

Yes.