I thought having a pet would make me want to live

[Treku]

I got my pet turtle about 2 years ago now and I love her so much. I thought that because I had to take care of her it would give me motivation and a reason to be alive, a responsibility to make me stay alive. even if it was just so that she didn't die. but that hasn't done shit. I'm now hurting her by keeping her and want to ctb even more than before. my family hates me keeping her and hate me even more for not doing enough to look after her. it's not like I dont want to take care of her I just fucking can't and they don't seem to get that. I still hate myself so much for not being good enough for her and know I need to be better. but idk how.
why am I so good and fucking everthing up and letting everyone down.
idk if anyone else has experienced this or if this is just a me fucking everthing up thing.
thanks for reading btw :)

 

[Scythe]

Perhaps you cans surrender the turtle to a pet store or sell it to someone? Probably the best course of action for both of you. Sorry it ended up like this, lack of motivation is a bitch sometimes.

 

[Treku]

Perhaps you cans surrender the turtle to a pet store or sell it to someone? Probably the best course of action for both of you. Sorry it ended up like this, lack of motivation is a bitch sometimes.

Yeah I think I might have to. Or my parents will force me to.