ningen_shikkaku
Member
- Dec 12, 2024
- 26
Hi all. I've been here for a few months, lurking about, and I cannot thank everyone enough for all the help and support.
Funnily enough, I have found this place to be much better than any therapy, treatment and hospitalisations I've ever had. Here, people understood me-- didn't bombard me with the 'it'll get better!' I think I was just happy to be acknowledged.
I found a partner here to CTB with, but I haven't been able to get in touch with them anymore shortly after they ordered (and most likely) received their SN (I was getting delivery updates). I believe they may have gone ahead without me, but that's okay... because I feel like I will be following shortly after-- that is to say, tonight.
I've had my SN for a while, but surprisingly it gave me the courage to live longer. The ability to have the choice empowered me in ways I never knew before, especially when I had such feeble CTB attempts in the past.
While I'm still a little bit on the fence about CTB'ing tonight, I'm definitely leaning towards going. I've said before that I'll wait for the right time; when I feel like it's time to go... and right now, my gut is telling me that. It's an uncomfortable feeling that is in the pit of my stomach, but I think that's quite normal; though I long to leave, there is always a fear. Fear of the unknown. I don't think it invalidates anyone's feelings-- CTB is a confronting, scary process.
I'm not really sure why I'm writing this. I'm wondering if I should keep a little time track of what happens after I drink the SN-- might be worthwhile that my death also contributes to science (though I'm sure that when my body is donated to science, they will just be like 'no thank you').
I'm well known to "people" here. I don't really want to elaborate, but... it seems tonight is my chance, where I'm not being watched or cared for. I'll be online for the rest of tonight, me thinks-- until I either go to sleep or CTB. But it seems right now, CTB is looking quite favourable. Let's chat a little here, so I don't feel so alone.
Funnily enough, I have found this place to be much better than any therapy, treatment and hospitalisations I've ever had. Here, people understood me-- didn't bombard me with the 'it'll get better!' I think I was just happy to be acknowledged.
I found a partner here to CTB with, but I haven't been able to get in touch with them anymore shortly after they ordered (and most likely) received their SN (I was getting delivery updates). I believe they may have gone ahead without me, but that's okay... because I feel like I will be following shortly after-- that is to say, tonight.
I've had my SN for a while, but surprisingly it gave me the courage to live longer. The ability to have the choice empowered me in ways I never knew before, especially when I had such feeble CTB attempts in the past.
While I'm still a little bit on the fence about CTB'ing tonight, I'm definitely leaning towards going. I've said before that I'll wait for the right time; when I feel like it's time to go... and right now, my gut is telling me that. It's an uncomfortable feeling that is in the pit of my stomach, but I think that's quite normal; though I long to leave, there is always a fear. Fear of the unknown. I don't think it invalidates anyone's feelings-- CTB is a confronting, scary process.
I'm not really sure why I'm writing this. I'm wondering if I should keep a little time track of what happens after I drink the SN-- might be worthwhile that my death also contributes to science (though I'm sure that when my body is donated to science, they will just be like 'no thank you').
I'm well known to "people" here. I don't really want to elaborate, but... it seems tonight is my chance, where I'm not being watched or cared for. I'll be online for the rest of tonight, me thinks-- until I either go to sleep or CTB. But it seems right now, CTB is looking quite favourable. Let's chat a little here, so I don't feel so alone.
