Venting I THINK TODAY IS THE DAY

[rankinchris]

I'm not sure if this would work for you - I've heard somewhere that the ex just finally gave up on winning custody and as a last resort completely moved on from his child. I think that life is precious for the most part and if you can't deal with not being able to win your daughter back, then there's obviously more in life to look forward to, like getting remarried and having another child - and starting all over again. Forget about your child and start a whole new family with new memories. That's the advice I have for you. I know by committing suicide you might show her that you truly cared for her, but if you've tried so hard, it's best to move on.

Hi, I appreciate your comment and advice. However, forgetting my daughter is not an option for me. I could not live with myself giving up on a child. And I understand you may be thinking - CTB is giving up on her. I see it differently, I see that as giving up fighting with her mother and loosing trying to see her. I would rather die fighting for her than live walking away from my daughter.

I'm sorry you're going through this. My boyfriend's ex tricked him into two pregnancies only to pull this very same thing after years of abusing him. I can't imagine your pain.

Your daughter would want to know her daddy. I understand unbearable pain and wanting it to stop but.. I don't think it's fair that this woman gets to set the narrative to your child, who loves you even though you're currently not together. I know this might sound strange but.. I'd encourage you to keep fighting here.

It is horrible, She is a part-time teacher therefore gets her legal fees paid for her, Im a fulltime aircraft mechanic and have to pay everything which is amounting to £15k. I honestly don't believe the system for fathers is correct. I am supposed to have the same responsibilities as her, yet she can take them away from my by not letting me speak to or see my daughter. I understand my daughter isn't even 2 yet and will have no idea what is going on, but she must be wondering where I am.

 

[moonsafari]

Hi, I appreciate your comment and advice. However, forgetting my daughter is not an option for me. I could not live with myself giving up on a child. And I understand you may be thinking - CTB is giving up on her. I see it differently, I see that as giving up fighting with her mother and loosing trying to see her. I would rather die fighting for her than live walking away from my daughter.

I see - and I really, really agree with some of the users that you can still live and fight for your daughter instead of dying. There's a way, just don't give and die just yet. I've always found it strikingly unfair that fathers almost never win custody battles. It's heartbreaking because after all, fathers contributed to half of the child and that's a part of them, and they can't even spend time with their own child?

I wish you the best luck with winning your daughter however you may do it, but dying right now is a good option for your daughter either.

 

[rankinchris]

Hope you are feeling better. If you trust your instincts with your medication, be careful, tapering off is always a good idea.

Yeah I have also heard if I come off them instantly I will get ( weird to describe ) brain flutters. I don't know how to describe it

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Yeah I have also heard if I come off them instantly I will get ( weird to describe ) brain flutters. I don't know how to describe it

Their are guides online to help you taper off whatever you are on. As long as you use a reputable source, it can be of more help than a doctor. My doc has previously said 'just stop taking them, you'll be fine.' LOL no.

 

[rankinchris]

Their are guides online to help you taper off whatever you are on. As long as you use a reputable source, it can be of more help than a doctor. My doc has previously said 'just stop taking them, you'll be fine.' LOL no.

Its Sertraline I'm currently on. Definitely believe they make me feel worse

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Its Sertraline I'm currently on. Definitely believe they make me feel worse

They tried to get me on that and I refused. It does work for some, but it can make things worse also. It's your call. SSRIs come with their risks and long term bad effects. They can be a short term solution whilst you pick your self up but the long term effects are cumulative as far as i can tell. And if they aren't working for you, your options are either coming off them if you feel you can manage, or going back to the doc and trying something else, that may or may not work or have similar issues. Not an easy solution, I'm afraid.
Prozac worked wonders for me for around 8 months then stopped working and nothing else helped since, i just got side effects. I also believe that over prescription may have exacerbated many of my physical issues too. But for 8 months or so, it was like all my problems vanished. It's a risk/reward thing.

 

[Sadddd]

Its Sertraline I'm currently on. Definitely believe they make me feel worse

how log have you been on them for? if you haven't hit the 6 week mark then (IMO and the research I have done) its likely to soon to know. when i started citalopram and mirtazapine i was very anxious the first few weeks that tapered off and by and large they were ok medications for me

 

[Deleted member 1465]

how log have you been on them for? if you haven't hit the 6 week mark then (IMO and the research I have done) its likely to soon to know. when i started citalopram and mirtazapine i was very anxious the first few weeks that tapered off and by and large they were ok medications for me

That is a good point. SSRIs have a spool up of around six weeks. You'll get 'side effects' way before that, which will lessen as your body/brain gets used to the medication. The drug's efficacy is meant to start around the six week mark IIRC. But it may also stop working after you have been on it quite some time. That differs for everybody.

 

[Sadddd]

They tried to get me on that and I refused. It does work for some, but it can make things worse also. It's your call. SSRIs come with their risks and long term bad effects. They can be a short term solution whilst you pick your self up but the long term effects are cumulative as far as i can tell. And if they aren't working for you, your options are either coming off them if you feel you can manage, or going back to the doc and trying something else, that may or may not work or have similar issues. Not an easy solution, I'm afraid.
Prozac worked wonders for me for around 8 months then stopped working and nothing else helped since, i just got side effects. I also believe that over prescription may have exacerbated many of my physical issues too. But for 8 months or so, it was like all my problems vanished. It's a risk/reward thing.

this

1. speak to the doctor
2. taper if you decide to go off them
3. make sure you've given them time to 'work'
4. exercise (even walking, your job sounds quite physical) and eat well. if i don't do these it's much tougher

i've started taking SSRI's etc when i have been in a bad place and it can be difficult to see past the dfficult time and what benefit you are seeing

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

It is horrible, She is a part-time teacher therefore gets her legal fees paid for her, Im a fulltime aircraft mechanic and have to pay everything which is amounting to £15k. I honestly don't believe the system for fathers is correct. I am supposed to have the same responsibilities as her, yet she can take them away from my by not letting me speak to or see my daughter. I understand my daughter isn't even 2 yet and will have no idea what is going on, but she must be wondering where I am.

Jesus Christ. That's..good lord. And yes, I'm aware of how costly it gets. >.< It's ultimately why my boyfriend had to give up, there simply wasn't the money. :/ That and she moved where no one can find her.
The system for fathers isn't fair at all. It's disgusting how certain women abuse their ability to make and take children, for want of a better description.
I'm really rooting for you. I'm sorry I don't have much in the way of advice but I am. No one has the right to do this to you and your daughter.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

i've started taking SSRI's etc when i have been in a bad place and it can be difficult to see past the dfficult time and what benefit you are seeing

I think they CAN have a value, if you get the right one and only take them for a while. They can get you through the bad bits until you have a better coping mechanism. But it's best to be aware of the bad effects they have on your body, that they suffer from tolerance effects and how to taper off when you want to. The docs often don't volunteer this information and have to be pressed for it. If they say 'don't worry about it, it's fine' then think about getting a different doctor.
The risks and long term effects have to be weighed against the short term possible benefits and for this you need a doctor that doesn't just prescribe them as smarties.

 

[rankinchris]

I think they CAN have a value, if you get the right one and only take them for a while. They can get you through the bad bits until you have a better coping mechanism. But it's best to be aware of the bad effects they have on your body, that they suffer from tolerance effects and how to taper off when you want to. The docs often don't volunteer this information and have to be pressed for it. If they say 'don't worry about it, it's fine' then think about getting a different doctor.
The risks and long term effects have to be weighed against the short term possible benefits and for this you need a doctor that doesn't just prescribe them as smarties.

I will be honest and say ive only been on them 4 weeks and I know its not enough time, But I 100% feel worse and my anxiety is crazy with them. But if I don't take them it seems to be much much lower. I have started to notice a little weight gain on them which is not good. And....find it extremely difficult to... you guys know. Theres no other woman but as a guy you know yourself where there is a problem down there.

 

[epic]

Best case scenario : You win custody or visitation.
Worst case scenario: You lose custody and get to meet her when she is 18.
Even for worst case scenario there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[rankinchris]

Best case scenario : You win custody or visitation.
Worst case scenario: You lose custody and get to meet her when she is 18.
Even for worst case scenario there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Just cant get my head around how 2 months ago, I was a fulltime father and because of a break up- absolutely nothing all due to spite

 

[epic]

Just cant get my head around how 2 months ago, I was a fulltime father and because of a break up- absolutely nothing all due to spite

That's messed up bro.
I know someone who is in the same situation as you. Except the husband is pretending to like his wife so that she doesn't leave with custody of child.
You will get visitations or partial custody in a realistic setting @rankichris . So it may not be completely bad as you are thinking.
Even if mother gets full custody of your child, you could contact your daughter via skype,phone,email,social-media or physically at school till she becomes an adult.
You will get visitations or partial custody in a realistic setting @rankichris . So it may not be completely bad as you are thinking.
Even if mother gets full custody of your child, you could contact your daughter via skype,phone,email,social-media or physically at school till she becomes an adult.
There seems to be hope to your case.

 

[I screwed up]

Just cant get my head around how 2 months ago, I was a fulltime father and because of a break up- absolutely nothing all due to spite

I completely feel ur pain .. I went thru the same pain .. Only diff my son is 6 yrs old ... From a full time father baby sitting him to not able to see him was and is the most painful phase of my life ... Now only thing keeping me alive is one phone call in a month with him and my pills... But don't know how long can I survive this way .. Its been a year or so now and I know my depression is going to kill me .. It already has taken my job as I can't function to my normal efficiency ... Plus this lockdown has got me more down .. Would love to ctb now but dont have SN which is my method

 

[Sadddd]

I will be honest and say ive only been on them 4 weeks and I know its not enough time, But I 100% feel worse and my anxiety is crazy with them. But if I don't take them it seems to be much much lower. I have started to notice a little weight gain on them which is not good. And....find it extremely difficult to... you guys know. Theres no other woman but as a guy you know yourself where there is a problem down there.

at 4 weeks, if you're not taking them every day it's likely on the off days there might be some reduction in anxiety. but could just as easily be the feeling of control from not taking them.

6 weeks of taking them daily is the time to reassess

i hear you on the problem down there, i worried at first but found it picked up once i had been on them a while

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I will be honest and say ive only been on them 4 weeks and I know its not enough time, But I 100% feel worse and my anxiety is crazy with them. But if I don't take them it seems to be much much lower. I have started to notice a little weight gain on them which is not good. And....find it extremely difficult to... you guys know. Theres no other woman but as a guy you know yourself where there is a problem down there.

I had agasmia on Prozac. The weight gain is due to it messing with your metabolism I believe. But yes, six weeks is what they'd want you to stick to. It's a tough choice on what to decide and only you can be the judge of that. Worth talking to your doc about it if you can.

 

[rankinchris]

I completely feel ur pain .. I went thru the same pain .. Only diff my son is 6 yrs old ... From a full time father baby sitting him to not able to see him was and is the most painful phase of my life ... Now only thing keeping me alive is one phone call in a month with him and my pills... But don't know how long can I survive this way .. Its been a year or so now and I know my depression is going to kill me .. It already has taken my job as I can't function to my normal efficiency ... Plus this lockdown has got me more down .. Would love to ctb now but dont have SN which is my method

Hey mate ! It is honestly the worst thing I have ever went through. My daughters mother is playing the mentil health card. But its not seing my daughter which is causing it to be so bad, then on the other hand she is telling my parents I am a good dad. It is confusing and mind games. But the crazy part is I still want her back, I don't want my daughter growing up in a broken home. I bought a food shopping 2 weeks ago and got my father to take it to her along with mothers day gifts which she said she appreciated. But then on the other hand said no to speaking to me. I have got one more thing to try and if that does not work I have no idea where to go. I have booked a trip to NYC in December. Very impulsie and slightly desperate I know, She has always wanted to go there. So I hope that when my parents go to give my daughter her Easter, they can say I have booked her a trip to NYC in hope to try sort my family out. She is very very stubborn so I am not holding out much hope. My parents think im crazy doing it, Which I slightly agree with. But I would do anything to have my child in a home with her parents together.

 

[Idledays]

Hey @rankinchris. I'm sorry you're having to go through all of this. Having read your posts it seems to me that your world had been turned upside down in a really short period of time. Every day that passes without seeing your daughter must be excruciating and I'm sorry youre having to deal with that.

We all know this, but sometimes its worth remembering suicide is a permanent solution. Forever. There's no coming back from that. I don't know what the future holds as much as you do, but by killing yourself you're stopping any opportunity to see your daughter.

Suicide will always be there as an option. But it's a FINAL option. Theres nothing else to try after that. Your life has turned upside down in the space in 2 months. Who knows where life will take you in another 2 months, or a year, or 10!

I know whats its like when the pain feels too much so we're not here to tell you what to do. Only you can decide how much pain you can take. But it sounds like you still have a lot to live for. And there's still hope. I personally hope you stick around and continue to fight to see your daughter. It might not be as soon as you want... But that possibility is STILL there.

Whatever you decide to do theres a community to support you in whatever you choose.