Venting I think my grandma is trying to ctb.

[shinitai_sh0jo]

Yesterday, I went to her house with both my mother and step=father. We spend some good hours there, talks happened and such... It was a weird day, but I thought she was alright.

Today we had set for her to come to lunch, but she said she overslept.
We told her to come in the afternoon, but she said she felt ill.

She should've have measured blood glucose after feeling that bad, which she should've... But instead, she drank alcohol. A lot which she shouldn't have.

We suspect that she might been wanting to have a heart attack, because of what she told my mother yesterday. Of how she was tired of living, and she honestly just wanted rest.

My mother tells her tbis would be finally the time where she gets to be happy, but after 26 years of loneliness, I think... I think you just tire yourself too much.


In all honesty, I thought I could've influenced her about commiting ctb, but othsrs say she's been like this for way more time than I would been able to.


But, in all sirousness... I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel awful for being someone too harsh on her sometimes, though I still have the feeling she might've deserved it.

I don't know what to feel, nor what to do.

 

[MyLuckyStars]

my great grandma wished for death every year at her birthday, starting from age 90. she'd make the mistake of saying it out loud, leading my family to jokingly chastise her "it won't come true if you say it out loud!". she lived to be 95. visiting her as a child, i once asked her why she didn't fear death. this is a paraphrase from memory, but she told me something along the lines of "once you're old, you'll get it". sharp as ever till the end, although she might have underestimated how old id have to be for it to make sense.

 

[Kasumi]

Honestly you should just ask your grandma if she seriously wants to die.
Because it's not uncommon for people - especially old people to say that, because they do feel tired and are old, and know they're going to die sooner rather than later anyway, but in the end most of them don't actually want to leave quiet yet or just don't mind staying for a while longer.

My grandma often says those things as well, that she doesn't want anymore, complains how being old sucks and she's just waiting to die.
So I talked to her about it, that she didn't have to force herself to live if she truly didn't want to. I mentioned that dignified dying organisations would most likely be available to her if that's what she truly wanted.

She left it at that, she didn't expressed any desire wanting to go those steps so I take that as the case where she's just old and tired of life, but doesn't really hate living either as long as her family is around anyway (and she has her children around so...).

my great grandma wished for death every year at her birthday, starting from age 90. she'd make the mistake of saying it out loud, leading my family to jokingly chastise her "it won't come true if you say it out loud!". she lived to be 95. visiting her as a child, i once asked her why she didn't fear death. this is a paraphrase from memory, but she told me something along the lines of "once you're old, you'll get it". sharp as ever till the end, although she might have underestimated how old id have to be for it to make sense.

I don't think most people fear death anymore once they grow up, I know as a young child, so young that I still didn't understand how things work, I was afraid I could die in my sleep, cause well at such a young age, I didn't know the difference between death and sleep, so I thought "what if I just don't wake up anymore".
As I grew older and learned about basic biology and the difference between life and death (and sleep lol) I didn't fear death itself anymore, just the pain of dying.