Venting I think I'm finally cracking.

[BRAINWORMS]

Between going to grad school full time and working full time and trying to be there for friends and loved ones, I have hit a wall. I'm starting to not be able to sleep which always comes before a big crash. I can't focus on anything despite having so much to do. I don't have any energy and I have too many promises to fulfill. I'm a shell. I'm empty. I have nothing to give anyone and giving up anything would be giving up everything. I have SN that I've been storing since 2020 and I pray to any merciful forces in the universe that it will be enough to let me finally fucking get some peace if I manage to overcome the combination of guilt and SI that's been sustaining me the past several years. This isn't necessarily a goodbye thread, but it feels like it could turn into one. I'm so tired. I'm so full of love but I'm so tired.

 

[CravingPeace]

Change a few things and you sound just like me. I'm guessing you have a strong sense of impending doom, am I right?

I've got no solutions for you, but I can lend an ear and offer a shoulder. I hope things get better than they are now my friend.

 

[BRAINWORMS]

Change a few things and you sound just like me. I'm guessing you have a strong sense of impending doom, am I right?

I've got no solutions for you, but I can lend an ear and offer a shoulder. I hope things get better than they are now my friend.

Thank you for replying. I'm so sorry you're experiencing similar feelings. I feel trapped by my responsibilities (need to work to stay alive, need to do schoolwork to at least try for a better future and can't pause because then I'd have to start paying back my student loans right away, need to spend time with people I love to keep them in my life) and doomed by it all. Especially with the world at large becoming increasingly hostile, it feels like it's all for nothing anyways.

 

[CravingPeace]

Thank you for replying. I'm so sorry you're experiencing similar feelings. I feel trapped by my responsibilities (need to work to stay alive, need to do schoolwork to at least try for a better future and can't pause because then I'd have to start paying back my student loans right away, need to spend time with people I love to keep them in my life) and doomed by it all. Especially with the world at large becoming increasingly hostile, it feels like it's all for nothing anyways.

Sounds like you're in the US, too. I resonate with everything you said here. Doomed by it all, and the future around us looks bleaker and bleaker, not even considering our own circumstances. Pushing ourselves to a breaking point with little prospects of a good future anyways. Man..

 

[BRAINWORMS]

Sounds like you're in the US, too. I resonate with everything you said here. Doomed by it all, and the future around us looks bleaker and bleaker, not even considering our own circumstances. Pushing ourselves to a breaking point with little prospects of a good future anyways. Man..

Not to throw a pity party (in my own pity party thread lmao), but it really is so unfair. There are people and things in my life I love so dearly that make me wish I could live forever so I could experience them forever, but we all exist in this larger context that's driving us into the ground. I can't stay afloat like this and I'm all out of energy for treading water.

 

[CravingPeace]

Not to throw a pity party (in my own pity party thread lmao), but it really is so unfair. There are people and things in my life I love so dearly that make me wish I could live forever so I could experience them forever, but we all exist in this larger context that's driving us into the ground. I can't stay afloat like this and I'm all out of energy for treading water.

It is unfair. And again, I've got no solutions, for either of us. I just hope you can stay strong through this rough patch and get to the greener side. I've got faith in you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of suffering, I also just wish for peace, I wish you the best.