thefarter
i don’t smoke
- Dec 10, 2025
- 72
hey. i just woke up like half an hour ago. it's like 5:30am.
i can't stop overthinking. i have kind of lost my mind.. ?
like sure there is the part of all this where i am sitting around and treating my body like shit and neglecting to reply to friends. which is crappy. i just self-isolate and my mind doesn't shhut the hell up.
i feel sick. and i am so tired.
honestly i didn't think i would ever experience going totally insane lol.. but i guess it's kinda cool
anyway generally it makes me feel like garbage.
like 2 years ago, i got married (arranged). you know how your partner is meant to be the most supportive person in your life and you're meant to rely on them occasionally and find peace when you're with them and etc.
in my situation it was the total opposite. the man would say weird cryptic crap like ah i have seen a video of you being fucked in a bathroom, i know everything, i feel like you're lying to me, there's something you're hiding from me, i know about the shit between your mum & dad, etc etc. and i would just sit there, confused as hell. and then once i would start to sob in front of him, he would tell me he was only joking. unfortunately this happened almost every single day. haha and you won't believe how long i stuck around and told myself he had good intentions 
it's so damn embarrassing!!!!
supposed to ~light up my life~ and this guy was genuinely shoving me deeper and deeper into a pit of despair lol.
and worst of all i'm two faced! ('u shouldn't talk to me baby cus im two faced' - bladee)
im a big fat liar, witch, whore, manipulative douchebag woman. i walk around with evil intentions and i want to totally ruin every single person i meet i guess.
and ik ik as above, so below. yes yes i will burn for eternity. yes. thankfully, god is most merciful & forgiving. there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that i have completely LOST it. like i'm so far removed from reality right now that i could convince myself if i jumped in front of a train or did whatever the fack to end my life, i wouldn't even die because nothing is real. like i could convince myself of that. right now. i could do that. in my brain.
anyway being insane is kind of weird does anyone else have any experience in being insane.. i would love to hear!
tldr im losing my mind so i donntthjnk im gonna burn in hell for eternity. so really when my sn arrives im not waiting around for 2 months im just gonna drink it immediately. get this crap over with.
everything is so irritating. since being doxxed i have walked around and tried to be regular normal friends with people and all i get are some weird comments where they're directly quoting some garbage i've said on the internet at the age of like 14. and then they say some crap about witches or narcissism or schizophrenia and then ghost me.
anyway dude. im glad i believe in God & his infinite mercy cus the fact that i'm not going to burn in hell for eternity will make this a lot easier
and lowkey if you ever made me feel crazy i don't forgive you. and i don't think i will ever forgive you. not even on the day of judgement. hmm although that's just how i feel atm, so maybe that will change. who knows !
okay ok i will shut up now ^_^
i can't stop overthinking. i have kind of lost my mind.. ?
like sure there is the part of all this where i am sitting around and treating my body like shit and neglecting to reply to friends. which is crappy. i just self-isolate and my mind doesn't shhut the hell up.
i feel sick. and i am so tired.
honestly i didn't think i would ever experience going totally insane lol.. but i guess it's kinda cool
anyway generally it makes me feel like garbage.
like 2 years ago, i got married (arranged). you know how your partner is meant to be the most supportive person in your life and you're meant to rely on them occasionally and find peace when you're with them and etc.
in my situation it was the total opposite. the man would say weird cryptic crap like ah i have seen a video of you being fucked in a bathroom, i know everything, i feel like you're lying to me, there's something you're hiding from me, i know about the shit between your mum & dad, etc etc. and i would just sit there, confused as hell.
and then once i would start to sob in front of him, he would tell me he was only joking. unfortunately this happened almost every single day. haha and you won't believe how long i stuck around and told myself he had good intentions it's so damn embarrassing!!!! supposed to ~light up my life~ and this guy was genuinely shoving me deeper and deeper into a pit of despair lol.
and worst of all i'm two faced! ('u shouldn't talk to me baby cus im two faced' - bladee)
im a big fat liar, witch, whore, manipulative douchebag woman. i walk around with evil intentions and i want to totally ruin every single person i meet i guess.
and ik ik as above, so below. yes yes i will burn for eternity. yes. thankfully, god is most merciful & forgiving. there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that i have completely LOST it. like i'm so far removed from reality right now that i could convince myself if i jumped in front of a train or did whatever the fack to end my life, i wouldn't even die because nothing is real. like i could convince myself of that. right now. i could do that. in my brain.
anyway being insane is kind of weird
does anyone else have any experience in being insane.. i would love to hear! tldr im losing my mind so i donntthjnk im gonna burn in hell for eternity. so really when my sn arrives im not waiting around for 2 months im just gonna drink it immediately. get this crap over with.
everything is so irritating. since being doxxed i have walked around and tried to be regular normal friends with people and all i get are some weird comments where they're directly quoting some garbage i've said on the internet at the age of like 14. and then they say some crap about witches or narcissism or schizophrenia and then ghost me.
anyway dude. im glad i believe in God & his infinite mercy cus the fact that i'm not going to burn in hell for eternity will make this a lot easier
and lowkey if you ever made me feel crazy i don't forgive you. and i don't think i will ever forgive you. not even on the day of judgement. hmm although that's just how i feel atm, so maybe that will change. who knows !
okay ok i will shut up now ^_^
