i suddenly got afraid of death

[Tionally]

I wasn't afraid of death for a while now. I remember being extremely afraid of dying when I was 9-13 (to the point where I was lying there afraid to sleep because I was worried I wouldn't wake up) but after that it started passing as I began to lose my emotions.

But just now I randomly thought about that even if I don't CTB then I'll die either way in like a couple decades. And I suddenly got this crippling feeling of fear. I felt like I couldn't move and I was just scared, breathing heavily. Scared that no matter what I'll do I'll just stop existing and everything will move forward but for me it's the end.

It passed fairly quickly and tbh I'm kinda surprised because I haven't been afraid of death in for like 5 years now and this was the strongest feeling of fear I got in a while considering how normally I have anhedonia. it's just weird.

 

[BornByGhosts]

that's just SI doing its job
stubborn ass human body

 

[dialogos]

I wasn't afraid of death for a while now. I remember being extremely afraid of dying when I was 9-13 (to the point where I was lying there afraid to sleep because I was worried I wouldn't wake up) but after that it started passing as I began to lose my emotions.

But just now I randomly thought about that even if I don't CTB then I'll die either way in like a couple decades. And I suddenly got this crippling feeling of fear. I felt like I couldn't move and I was just scared, breathing heavily. Scared that no matter what I'll do I'll just stop existing and everything will move forward but for me it's the end.

It passed fairly quickly and tbh I'm kinda surprised because I haven't been afraid of death in for like 5 years now and this was the strongest feeling of fear I got in a while considering how normally I have anhedonia. it's just weird.

This is why you can't depend on your feelings to steer you wherever.
Its possible that you've matured enough that finally you're becoming normal and not so suicidal and/or uncaring about death. You're lucky coz others here are not.

 

[アホペンギン]

I assume thats just SI. Don't worry about it too much. I understand why it may feel strange, though, you haven't been afraid of death for years and now it suddenly came back to you. I hope it goes away soon.