I still go to the gym

[joey2424]

I still go to the gym.

I plan to ctb in the next couple weeks. For the most part, I only leave the house to go to the gym. I'm doing it because I need to be mentally stable enough to appear normal (so people around me won't expect my ctb and therefore won't feel guilty when it happens). And also because I don't want to ctb irrationally. I want it to be well planned and intentional. Going to the gym is my last connection to the outside world.

It occurred to me today that I'm staying in shape for my coroner. My physical health doesn't matter anymore. And no one cares what I look like. The next person to see my body will be performing my autopsy. I'm working out for my coroner. I hope they can tell how much I curl.

 

[SASU-KE]

I hope they can tell how much I curl.

Good sense of humor dude
Gym's really important to me too. And also your sense of foreboding is similar to mine. I have a pull up bar installed in my house. One of the drilled into the wall ones, not the doorway kind. It's rated for 200 KGS weight. I do weighted pull ups on this.

I'm still high functional in every aspect of life but I just don't feel anything anymore and get absolutely nothing from anything I do. Just going through the motions at this point. But I decided that I would still work as hard as I can until the day I die. Also, it's funny because this very same pull up bar that I do pull ups on is the one I'm going to FS hang from at some point.

 

[joey2424]

Good sense of humor dude
Gym's really important to me too. And also your sense of foreboding is similar to mine. I have a pull up bar installed in my house. One of the drilled into the wall ones, not the doorway kind. It's rated for 200 KGS weight. I do weighted pull ups on this.

I'm still high functional in every aspect of life but I just don't feel anything anymore and get absolutely nothing from anything I do. Just going through the motions at this point. But I decided that I would still work as hard as I can until the day I die. Also, it's funny because this very same pull up bar that I do pull ups on is the one I'm going to FS hang from at some point.

I'm glad you understand me :)

Ya I find it weird that I'm still trying with anything given that I've already made my decision. But I guess I'm not the only one. I've been thinking how "only my coroner will see my body" for a couple weeks. But today I saw the man beside me side eye me because we're lifting the same. And I was like. I hope the coroner, who I'm apparently working out for, also appreciates how strong I am.

I don't like the visual of you ctb that way. I can see how that would be even more confusing for you though.

 

[metfan647]

Keep going until the very end. I wish I could but this fucking injured shoulder has stopped me for the past 2 years. I might try and make a little come back before I ctb.

 

[SASU-KE]

Keep going until the very end. I wish I could but this fucking injured shoulder has stopped me for the past 2 years. I might try and make a little come back before I ctb.

Damn rotator cuff used to give me issues with my push lifts as well.My pulling exercises were not impacted at least.

 

[metfan647]

Damn rotator cuff used to give me issues with my push lifts as well.My pulling exercises were not impacted at least.

That's what I'm dealing with! Glad you healed from yours. Shit heals slow past mid 30s.

 

[iveseenfootage]

Relatable as fuck lmao. I plan to within a few months and I still go to the gym and go to class. I guess while I'm paying for it…

 

[joey2424]

Relatable as fuck lmao. I plan to within a few months and I still go to the gym and go to class. I guess while I'm paying for it…

We have to keep going… but it's such a weird mental place to be in. And to not be able to talk to anyone about it. I would quit my job if I knew my attempt would be successful. But of course we can't know.

I even took a multivitamin the other day. Wtf is that for exactly? That seems like crossing the line hahaha

 

[SASU-KE]

We have to keep going… but it's such a weird mental place to be in. And to not be able to talk to anyone about it. I would quit my job if I knew my attempt would be successful. But of course we can't know.

I even took a multivitamin the other day. Wtf is that for exactly? That seems like crossing the line hahaha

I used to take almost every single supplement known to man. Now I've cut it down drastically. Fish oil pills. Creatine. Whey protein. A complete B complex pill. And a balanced diet.

By the way, you're not wrong at all, trust me. You can't let yourself go unless you're ready to let yourself go permanently imo.I think till the time comes, we should take care of our health and our job and just live life to the best of our ability.

 

[pax420]

I can also relate to everybody on this thread. I still take all my medicine religiously. I try to walk a couple of miles everyday and worst of all, I'm still having surgeries! I just had cataract removal surgery in both eyes, and, even though I am going to ctb the end of May, I'm going to have shoulder replacement surgery!?!? I have no idea why I'm doing this but here I go. Maybe im subconsciously hoping the anesthesia will take me out or something. Or maybe just because I like going under. Hell I don't know.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I want to die, yet I still eat and drink fluids. For now. No biggie. Do what you enjoy while you're still here.