On the surface, my life looks quite good: respectable middle-class job, caring spouse, two lovely children. But I feel stuck in a life that I'm too tired to continue.
Work-wise, I'm no longer enthusiastic about my job (having suffered a work-precipitated breakdown in February); every time I think about returning to work I get panic attacks. But the nature of my job is such that I can't even begin to imagine how I might make a career pivot work.
Family-wise I just don't have the energy to keep up with my children. I don't understand my eldest when they act up, and my youngest (a toddler) frustrates me to no end.
To cap it all off, I feel utterly isolated. I moved to the town I currently live in shortly before COVID, and haven't had the chance to make any friends locally apart from through work. I've drifted apart from older friends due to various circumstances, to the point where I don't really talk to them any longer.
I've been living with depression since my teens (if not earlier), and have had multiple depressive episodes over the last decade. But (as I've said elsewhere on SaSu) this one feels different. My February breakdown led to my first hospitalisation, and months later I'm still not recovered. I really don't know if I have the strength to continue.
Work-wise, I'm no longer enthusiastic about my job (having suffered a work-precipitated breakdown in February); every time I think about returning to work I get panic attacks. But the nature of my job is such that I can't even begin to imagine how I might make a career pivot work.
Family-wise I just don't have the energy to keep up with my children. I don't understand my eldest when they act up, and my youngest (a toddler) frustrates me to no end.
To cap it all off, I feel utterly isolated. I moved to the town I currently live in shortly before COVID, and haven't had the chance to make any friends locally apart from through work. I've drifted apart from older friends due to various circumstances, to the point where I don't really talk to them any longer.
I've been living with depression since my teens (if not earlier), and have had multiple depressive episodes over the last decade. But (as I've said elsewhere on SaSu) this one feels different. My February breakdown led to my first hospitalisation, and months later I'm still not recovered. I really don't know if I have the strength to continue.
