Venting I ruin everything (again)

[toxicjester]

Tomorrow/today is my gf's birthday. All I wanted to do today was buy all the "party" supplies (it's just the two of us so it's not really a party) and then get her some food before we placed games and watched arcane. Then I'd stay up/wake up super early to clean up the room and set up her cake n stuff that I got and her presents too.

But then I was low energy today and when she was trying to play wrestle I told her I didn't want to in the worst way and it put her in a bad mood. In an attempt to make it better I told her we could go ahead and grab food, but I took too long in the stores getting all her stuff that by the time I was out, the only way to get food was via drive thru.

Even tho I told her I could at least drive us in the drive thru she still felt like she looked too ugly even in the passenger seat, and I couldn't get her to feel better about it. In a moment of weakness I started crying because I could see that I dialed and that this would travel into tomorrow and by doing that, she got exponentially more upset and after arguing, we just went home without any food.

I ruined Halloween for her and now I've ruined her birthday before it even started. I really wish I had all my stuff out of her place and could break up with her so that when I ctb'd it wouldn't hurt her as much

I just want it to end, everything hurts all the time and my anxiety has never been worse. I just want to be a seal. I'm so lonely and scared

 

[Shrooms]

ill keep this short cause i dont know the full story but you made a mistake. Step one take owner ship you cant change it and the past definitely wont change. step two tell her how you feel about it or just say sorry that way she knows your thinking about it and not just not caring. step 3 make up for it, you cant change the past but the future can be brighter. So make up for it and put forth some effort to make her a day she wont forget a day whether your celebrating something else or just a great day off of work. you will always make mistakes, its what you do after is what counts.