I really want a rope to hug my throat

[m3nhera]

In reality it might hurt and be much worse(like most things in life) but in fantasy it sounds so wonderful.

Not like strangling but imagine a rope just hugging your neck, the comforting pressure that makes you feel like you're finally home. You know it's over and you don't have to suffer anymore.

And you slowly feel your life force slip away, until there's nothing left.

It's such a dream. Honestly if there was a way to have a completely painless suicide that doesn't affect ANYONE around you and has no negative consequences, or a million dollars, sometimes I feel like I'd rather choose dying as insane as that sounds.

Mental illness will genuinely push you to hypothetically turn down that much money. Like of course I'd want a million, I think we all would, but sometimes none of it matters anymore.

All I want is to be free. I'm sure you guys understand the tunnel vision you get during extreme suicidality, where nothing else matters or is nearly as appealing to you, and death is all you can think about. An addiction, a fixation.

I don't think I'll ever stop fantasizing about suicide.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

In reality it might hurt and be much worse(like most things in life) but in fantasy it sounds so wonderful.

Not like strangling but imagine a rope just hugging your neck, the comforting pressure that makes you feel like you're finally home. You know it's over and you don't have to suffer anymore.

Would a collar achieve the same feel if it had the same texture

 

[Bishop]

I have fantasies about plenty of other things but not of suicide. Death is painful enough it's not something I want to think of repeatedly. Once and done.

 

[m3nhera]

Would a collar achieve the same feel if it had the same texture

LMAO this sounds like bdsm, no no no it's not about the feeling, it's the fact that it's related to death. If you just like the feeling maybe you're just into being choked lol. But suicide obviously isn't a sexual thing for me, I like to keep sexual stuff entirely separate from death.

When I go on about my fantasies about suicide sometimes I fear it sounds like I'm into it in that kind of way, simply because of how much I crave it. But it's not like that.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

geez i meant a fashion accessory kinda collar

LMAO this sounds like bdsm, no no no it's not about the feeling, it's the fact that it's related to death. If you just like the feeling maybe you're just into being choked lol. But suicide obviously isn't a sexual thing for me, I like to keep sexual stuff entirely separate from death.

When I go on about my fantasies about suicide sometimes I fear it sounds like I'm into it in that kind of way, simply because of how much I crave it. But it's not like t

I think i get it. A collar that strangles your soul

 

[m3nhera]

geez i meant a fashion accessory kinda collar


I think i get it. A collar that strangles your soul

Oh sorry haha, and yeah you kinda get it! Idk if I want my soul strangled necessarily, I want my soul to be free. But I want the source of my pain gone(being alive). Also on the topic I am into fashion! It used to be one of the things that brought me the most joy. I'm still into it but the past two years I've barely been able to get out of bed let alone dress cute most days. I want to go back though.

 

[ToothFairy]

what about just a hug

 

[m3nhera]

what about just a hug

Aw wait you're right this is good too. I just want to be held and to cry in his arms :(. We haven't been able to hang out much due to life circumstances and I'm very busy at the moment. Also parents and the end of senior year etc etc. Hopefully I can see my bf again soon!

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Oh sorry haha, and yeah you kinda get it! Idk if I want my soul strangled necessarily, I want my soul to be free. But I want the source of my pain gone(being alive). Also on the topic I am into fashion! It used to be one of the things that brought me the most joy. I'm still into it but the past two years I've barely been able to get out of bed let alone dress cute most days. I want to go back though.

out of bed huh. This morning i was telling myself "stop crying, just get up"

 

[m3nhera]

out of bed huh. This morning i was telling myself "stop crying, just get up"

Yeah it's so difficult getting up and everything feels so heavy and painful, waking up is one of the most excruciating things. I'm kind of annoyed about my other posts because now I have to live. What a pain lmao but I can't just betray my own promise to myself, this is how things turned out.