Help I really need you RN.

[isam]

I'm sorry guys.

I wanted to find some "company" coming here but even like this......

I'm going to explode. I can't wait this fckn SN. It can be tomorrow as in 2 weeks.

I can't, I just can't, i need someone to help me to hold on 'till I have it. I don't want to explode before and to be put in psych ward.

Please. This is an emergency.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

What's happening with you right now?
Tell us please

 

[isam]

starting to have a huge anxiety attack i guess

 

[EmptyArms]

People are here. Take a deep slow breath. Take 3. Use your words and tell us what's going on for you.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

starting to have a huge anxiety attack i guess

I see
How do usually deal when it's happening?
I try to cry or yell, sometimes I choke myself.

 

[EmptyArms]

Oh that's really horrible. I have them too. It feels like death, but it's not. I have to remind myself that it's horrible, and harmless. Slow your breathing right down and force your muscles to relax. Then your body can begin to cancel out that big wave of adrenaline. Hang in there .

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

How are you doing dear?
It gonna pass, it just takes time
We are here for you

Everything will be ok

 

[isam]

I just need to go.
I'm waiting for my SN since a week now. Everyday is harder.
Christmas is coming, i don't want to go to my familly, i don't want to see them. My mom is calling me to ask when i'll go to them, what i want to eat etc. I'm acting like everything is fine.
At work I act like everything is fine. But I know they see smth is wrong. When then say see you tomorrow, i just want to answer no guys, i wish to be dead.
I had a tinder date this weekend, and since then he's texting me sometimes, and asking if I'm ok. I don't want to answer to him. I actually answer to nobody. I just can't say I'm ok.
I can't listen any kind of music. I can't watch anything. I'm gonna cancel my meeting with the psy tomorrow, because i can't hide i'm gonna ctb and he will put me in psych ward.
I stopped talking with the guy i love last week. Because he told me his feelings are probably gone, and i know mines won't go if i continue to talk to him. So i cut contact. I precise we had no relationship at all. We talked about me going to his country for the holidays. It has been canceled ofc. And thinking I'll be potentially alone at this moment in my place without my SN freaks me out.
I just had a fight with my bestfriend rn. The only one who "understands" me. Who knows i'm gonna ctb and hs for mission to do my last will. We talked about me going to his country for holidays too, as i don't go to the first one. But he just told me finally it can't works because he will be few days with a girl he's gonna fuck.
I feel like I'll never receive my SN, that life is playing with me more than ever.

I probably forgot many things here, but this is what comes in my head rn.

I'm going to explode. They will put me in psych ward. Please don't let them put me there again

 

[134340]

As users above me said, we're here for you. Anxiety attacks are awful and scary. As generic as it may sound, square breathing is what helps me best (breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, out for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, repeat), but it's terrible no matter what you do. You aren't alone in this

 

[isam]

I see
How do usually deal when it's happening?
I try to cry or yell, sometimes I choke myself.

Either I have someone with me, either eating xanax, either call emergencies and go to psych ward

 

[EmptyArms]

As users above me said, we're here for you. Anxiety attacks are awful and scary. As generic as it may sound, square breathing is what helps me best (breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, out for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, repeat), but it's terrible no matter what you do. You aren't alone in this ♥

This is really good advice. Just try it. Dont think, just breathe.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I just need to go.
I'm waiting for my SN since a week now. Everyday is harder.
Christmas is coming, i don't want to go to my familly, i don't want to see them. My mom is calling me to ask when i'll go to them, what i want to eat etc. I'm acting like everything is fine.
At work I act like everything is fine. But I know they see smth is wrong. When then say see you tomorrow, i just want to answer no guys, i wish to be dead.
I had a tinder date this weekend, and since then he's texting me sometimes, and asking if I'm ok. I don't want to answer to him. I actually answer to nobody. I just can't say I'm ok.
I can't listen any kind of music. I can't watch anything. I'm gonna cancel my meeting with the psy tomorrow, because i can't hide i'm gonna ctb and he will put me in psych ward.
I stopped talking with the guy i love last week. Because he told me his feelings are probably gone, and i know mines won't go if i continue to talk to him. So i cut contact. I precise we had no relationship at all. We talked about me going to his country for the holidays. It has been canceled ofc. And thinking I'll be potentially alone at this moment in my place without my SN freaks me out.
I just had a fight with my bestfriend rn. The only one who "understands" me. Who knows i'm gonna ctb and hs for mission to do my last will. We talked about me going to his country for holidays too, as i don't go to the first one. But he just told me finally it can't works because he will be few days with a girl he's gonna fuck.
I feel like I'll never receive my SN, that life is playing with me more than ever.

I probably forgot many things here, but this is what comes in my head rn.

I'm going to explode. They will put me in psych ward. Please don't let them put me there again

This must be extremely overwhelming for you to cope with.
But right now it's would be better not to dwell on that.
Right NOW nothing is really happening.
Breath in, breath out.
You gonna get your SN soon I am sure.
And if people bother you, maybe you can pretend to be sick?

Either I have someone with me, either eating xanax, either call emergencies and go to psych ward

Did you take Xanax already?

 

[isam]

I just need to go.
I'm waiting for my SN since a week now. Everyday is harder.
Christmas is coming, i don't want to go to my familly, i don't want to see them. My mom is calling me to ask when i'll go to them, what i want to eat etc. I'm acting like everything is fine.
At work I act like everything is fine. But I know they see smth is wrong. When then say see you tomorrow, i just want to answer no guys, i wish to be dead.
I had a tinder date this weekend, and since then he's texting me sometimes, and asking if I'm ok. I don't want to answer to him. I actually answer to nobody. I just can't say I'm ok.
I can't listen any kind of music. I can't watch anything. I'm gonna cancel my meeting with the psy tomorrow, because i can't hide i'm gonna ctb and he will put me in psych ward.
I stopped talking with the guy i love last week. Because he told me his feelings are probably gone, and i know mines won't go if i continue to talk to him. So i cut contact. I precise we had no relationship at all. We talked about me going to his country for the holidays. It has been canceled ofc. And thinking I'll be potentially alone at this moment in my place without my SN freaks me out.
I just had a fight with my bestfriend rn. The only one who "understands" me. Who knows i'm gonna ctb and hs for mission to do my last will. We talked about me going to his country for holidays too, as i don't go to the first one. But he just told me finally it can't works because he will be few days with a girl he's gonna fuck.
I feel like I'll never receive my SN, that life is playing with me more than ever.

I probably forgot many things here, but this is what comes in my head rn.

I'm going to explode. They will put me in psych ward. Please don't let them put me there again

I was sick last week, off work 3 days, I ate almost nothing except xanax during 5 days. Because i was also depressed.
I had a 2nd tinder date this weekend, because my goal was to get laid before going. I just haven't found what i wanted, because what i wanted is a link, a bit of feelings, as i had with the guys i loved or liked. With the second one I just have been fucked, i went there because i told myself i have to move my ass (haha humor 2.0), but i wasnt really in the mood. I wasn't even sure things were going to happen. But it happened and I did it anyways. I feel like i raped myself.
And I overthink. Again. And again. And Again. I just want to kill my head.

This must be extremely overwhelming for you to cope with.
But right now it's would be better not to dwell on that.
Right NOW nothing is really happening.
Breath in, breath out.
You gonna get your SN soon I am sure.
And if people bother you, maybe you can pretend to be sick?

Did you take Xanax already?

If i take xanax i'm gonna take the all box
Actually I have like 80 xanax available
I could sleep few days

 

[Tearygirl]

I wish I can be with you physically. We are here for you. You can always PM me if you want to

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I was sick last week, I ate almost nothing except xanax during 5 days. Because i was also depressed.
I had a 2nd tinder date this weekend, because my goal was to get laid before going. I just haven't found what i wanted, because what i wanted is a link, a bit of feelings, as i had with the guys i loved or liked. With the second one I just have been fucked, i went there because i told myself i have to move my ass (haha humor 2.0), but i wasnt really in the mood. I wasn't even sure things were going to happen. But it happened and I did it anyways. I feel like i raped myself.
And I overthink. Again. And again. And Again. I just want to kill my head.

If i take xanax i'm gonna take the all box
Actually I have like 80 xanax available
I could sleep few days

Sometimes shit like that happens, I know
I am sorry it wasn't what you needed
Maybe it's not the last time and next will be better?
Please don't take a pack of Xanax, probably it's not gonna help you if you want to avoid psych ward
When I abused Xanax it made me more psychotic
Sending you love
I am sorry you are hurting so much

 

[Jean4]

Take a deep breath. Now take another. Talk it out here. We all know how you are feeling. I was where you were yesterday. Woke up that way.

It will pass. Just stay calm, take a deep breathe and we are here for you.

 

[isam]

Sometimes shit like that happens, I know
I am sorry it wasn't what you needed
Maybe it's not the last time and next will be better?
Please don't take a pack of Xanax, probably it's not gonna help you if you want to avoid psych ward
When I abused Xanax it made me more psychotic
Sending you love
I am sorry you are hurting so much

Yeah i know and i also feel incredibly guilty to be so bad for fckn shit like that, when there is way worse elsewhere, for many people.
No this is definetly not for me. I deleted the app. I don't want to make my head running again for this, trying to create something to in the end only have sex, or worse, getting attached to a guy, wich will only ruin me more that i already am, if even it is possible.
Yeah i know.. This is the reason of my 2nd "journey" there actually..
Thanks..

 

[Tearygirl]

Yeah i know and i also feel incredibly guilty to be so bad for fckn shit like that, when there is way worse elsewhere, for many people.
No this is definetly not for me. I deleted the app. I don't want to make my head running again for this, trying to create something to in the end only have sex, or worse, getting attached to a guy, wich will only ruin me more that i already am, if even it is possible.
Yeah i know.. This is the reason of my 2nd "journey" there actually..
Thanks..

If you feel guilty or uncomfortable with it, please don't. You deserve to be loved.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Yeah i know and i also feel incredibly guilty to be so bad for fckn shit like that, when there is way worse elsewhere, for many people.
No this is definetly not for me. I deleted the app. I don't want to make my head running again for this, trying to create something to in the end only have sex, or worse, getting attached to a guy, wich will only ruin me more that i already am, if even it is possible.
Yeah i know.. This is the reason of my 2nd "journey" there actually..
Thanks..

You are welcome
Everyone have their own demons that haunting them, doesn't matter if someone think it is nothing.
I am incredibly bad with putting feelings to words
But I really feel for you
Hugs

 

[isam]

If you feel guilty or uncomfortable with it, please don't. You deserve to be loved.

Oh, for the "shit like that", i was meaning the whole list i made since earlier.

 

[Tearygirl]

Oh, for the "shit like that", i was meaning the hole list i made since earlier.

I think you're not a person who's making bad decisions.

 

[isam]

I think you're not a person who's making bad decisions.

That's what many people say.. Idk. I really don't know. I have a real gift to do shit when it's about love. And also generally.

 

[Tearygirl]

That's what many people say.. Idk. I really don't know. I have a real gift to do shit when it's about love. And also generally.

Many people become blind when it comes to love. It's not your fault at all.

 

[isam]

Many people become blind when it comes to love. It's not your fault at all.

But I'm also lost everywhere. I'm annoyed by everything too quickly. Jobs, places to live, hobbies. Everytime i change or feel the need to change them after between 2 weeks and 2 years.
I'm very tired of that. To not be able to stick to anything. To run everywhere, to change all the time. I don't find myself.

 

[Tearygirl]

But I'm also lost everywhere. I'm annoyed by everything too quickly. Jobs, places to live, hobbies. Everytime i change or feel the need to change them after between 2 weeks and 2 years.
I'm very tired of that. To not be able to stick to anything. To run everywhere, to change all the time. I don't find myself.

People can't understand how beautiful you are. I wish someone can understand it appears in front of you ASAP.

 

[isam]

People can't understand how beautiful you are. I wish someone can understand it appears in front of you ASAP.

Don't worry, sooooo many people told me that. To run away after that. Always. Because I'm too much to deal with. My bestfriend (an other one) said it herself. When I said i send signals when I'm very bad, she answered "I'm too stupid to understand it". Thanks friend.

 

[Tearygirl]

Don't worry, sooooo much people told me that. To run away. Always. Because I'm too much to deal with. My bestfriend (an other one) said it herself. When I said i send signals when I'm very bad, she answered "I'm too stupid to understand it". Thanks friend.

It's sad to be ignored. When I talking about harming myself(not limited to ctb), they either threat me to call the police(even it isn't a crime anymore!) orbjust shut my mouth up. I just wanted to make you feel better. Sorry if I offended you.

 

[isam]

It's sad to be ignored. When I talking about harming myself(not limited to ctb), they either threat me to call the police(even it isn't a crime anymore!) orbjust shut my mouth up. I just wanted to make you feel better. Sorry if I offended you.

Pff yeah thats the common reaction.. The worst.
Oh no it wasn't for you !!! It was for my friend, like "thanks to be my bestfriend and don't even recognize my bad times!"

 

[isam]

OK now few people in my life start to text me, asking if I am OK, and that they start to worry to not have news of me.
I don't know what to do.
If I continue to not respond, they will see that indeed smth goes wrong.
If I answer saying I'm not well, I will not be able to no say what I'm gonna do. It's too strong and deep now to hide it if someone asks.
And if I answer I'm ok, it would be stressful af and I bet my ass everybody will smell smth goes wrong anyways.

Here I am, a new lock again before the end. I'm Trapped from everywhere.

I don't know what to do.

 

[Tearygirl]

OK now few people in my life start to text me, asking if I am OK, and that they start to worry to not have news of me.
I don't know what to do.
If I continue to not respond, they will see that indeed smth goes wrong.
If I answer saying I'm not well, I will not be able to no say what I'm gonna do. It's too strong and deep now to hide it if someone asks.
And if I answer I'm ok, it would be stressful af and I bet my ass everybody will smell smth goes wrong anyways.

Here I am, a new lock again before the end. I'm Trapped from everywhere.

I don't know what to do.

I think most people won't notice if you say you're okay. I talk to people that I'm not intend to ctb, and I think they believe it.