Venting I never wanted to become an adult

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I didn't either but not much choice. Now I just pray it is over soon.

 

[cherub]

This really hit home for me. It's part of the reason why I'm leaving this world. I feel this so much. I'm 20 now(legally an adult), but I'll be 21 in a little over a month(which is when people being to expect you to ACTUALLY ACT LIKE AN ADULT). Nope, can't do it. Peace

 

[Othermind]

Well, "adulthood" as a concept is a bit fuzzy but yeah, even though it hasn't been long at all, I do miss that sweet spot when you're in your late teens/early 20s where you're independent enough to do most of what you want and have few enough responsibilities to actually enjoy your life.
Part of the reason I want to ctb soon is so that that period is still fresh in my mind and hasn't been blotted out by years and years of tedium and a generically shitty life. I don't know if it makes any sense, just how I feel.

 

[blvck]

I don't like it either so far...
I just turned 23 on the 25th of january, but have made 0 progress in life and my mental state is continually declining. I'm too ashamed to get help for my addiction which is 80% of why i even wanna die. If I could just find courage to get help, it could turn everything around for me. But my fear is too great. So i know i will die at my own hands or at those of another. i know for a fact i wont make it to 30.

 

[Broken]

I don't like it either so far...
I just turned 23 on the 25th of january, but have made 0 progress in life and my mental state is continually declining. I'm too ashamed to get help for my addiction which is 80% of why i even wanna die. If I could just find courage to get help, it could turn everything around for me. But my fear is too great. So i know i will die at my own hands or at those of another. i know for a fact i wont make it to 30.

What's your addiction?

 

[Broken]

What's your addiction?

I've made it to 31. Half way through last year I found out the hard way what happens when you lose something more important than your addiction.

 

[Grey-zone]

There's nothing realistic that I want from this world. Even if I tried, I have no skills and I'm virtually unemployable. Greatest of all, however, is the fact that I was never interested in living life as anything other than a child in the first place.

I'm probably going to die soon, but up until that moment I'll still refuse to become an adult.

I'm in a similar situation, also in my (late) 20s. I was an only child taken out of school in 6th grade, having begged to not go to the middle school I ended up at--well, my parents had no plans for how to educate me on my own either, so I basically stayed isolated in the house for many years until getting my GED, and then going to college. My grandmother died when I was 15, leaving a modest inheritance, and so my mother also stopped working; there was never once a conversation about how a person supports themselves in the outside world, and I didn't bother to ask myself if it seemed important.
Anyway, you're not alone in reaching your 20s and wondering how the fuck you're going to survive the rest of your life as an independent adult. Like you, it's occurred to me that I've had many chances to break away, albeit without any social support, but that rather than taking these chances I basically immersed myself in a mental world of false worries, compulsions, narrow preoccupations, etc... I didn't fully realize this until 25, but have spent the past 3 years in a state of peculiar semi-inertia. Even as I make some gains in life, there's still a sense of some enormous, insurmountable gap, and my own utter lack of ambition and drive.

 

[Kyrok]

Mortgage, home repairs, bills, insurance, taxes, car maintenance, job, bosses, meetings, health problems, shouldering other people's emotions, having others depend on you, negotiating through bruised egos, your time not your own.

Being an adult is way too hard.

 

[CJM]

Since getting my son back who is 8, I've been quietly swiping him with the enjoy being a kid while you can comment when he plays up.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Too relateable I at 13 was missing my childhood despite still having a good life but still not as much as in childhood so after an all nighter with my brother and a friend I got the idea to sneak into the kindergarten early in the morning around 6am on a Saturday to see the place of our childhood a place we hadn´t been to for 7 years at the time. I remember after we crawled over the fence and stood the kindergarten it looked exactly the same as back when we were little children but I felt like a giant in a lost world of my wonderful childhood it was like taking out of a movie being zapped back in time watching a world I once knew and the nostalgia was so intense, I miss that day that was a good day..

 

[Dawn0071111]

Lol...

 

[Sweet emotion]

I know this isn't that uncommon of a sentiment even among "normal" people, but since I'll probably die still thinking this I think it ran a little too deep in me. I remember being 13 and realizing that I only had 5 years before I became an "adult". I was absolutely terrified. My parents and therapists told me that feeling would go away, but like with everything else, they were wrong about that as well. Here I am in my 20s feeling that terror in an even more terrible form. There's nothing realistic that I want from this world. Even if I tried, I have no skills and I'm virtually unemployable. Greatest of all, however, is the fact that I was never interested in living life as anything other than a child in the first place.

I'm probably going to die soon, but up until that moment I'll still refuse to become an adult.

Do your parents still take care of you?

I have never been an adult (29 now). I still do the same things I used to do when I was 16 years old. Disability benefits and my parent's support helps a lot (main reason why I haven't ended myself yet).

You're disabled?

I have never been an adult (29 now). I still do the same things I used to do when I was 16 years old. Disability benefits and my parent's support helps a lot (main reason why I haven't ended myself yet).

You're disabled?

From the time I was 13 I actually have been locked in my room, playing videos games and watching Youtube videos. Not by choice though. It's just meaningless entertainment and I absolutely hate it. I have a physical illness that rendered me too weak to stand up or converse with others for about two years. After that I got a bit stronger and was able to walk short distances in my house. I'm still sick to this day but I was able to get into a kind of experimental new treatment and my body seems to be somewhat responding to the drugs they're giving me.

As a result of all this my adolescence was stolen from me. I never got to go to a school dance or have any friends. I've just been completely alone in my room for nearly ten years. I know that the teenage years can be horrible for a lot of people, but what bothers me the most is that I never had a chance to try. I wanted friends, I wanted to do silly, stupid things, I wanted to play video games together and ride my bike. I know that adults can still do those things, but even if I fully recover I lost interest in this world years ago. The prospect of a new beginning seems too difficult. I'm tired, I'm weak, and I don't want to live much longer. I knew this would happen and I made peace with it years ago.

We sort of have something in common. Your childhood was stolen from you due to sickness and my adulthood was stolen from me.

 

[deflagrat]

You're disabled?

I am considered disabled because of mental illness (schizophrenia). I have always been a NEET.

 

[Mr2005]

I don't think I did either. Whilst I looked forward to being able to do adult things work and responsibility wasn't one of them. This is my best guess as to why I didn't sort my problems out when they started. I didn't want to grow up, now I don't want to get old. I'm not ready

 

[Sweet emotion]

I am considered disabled because of mental illness (schizophrenia). I have always been a NEET.

I have no idea what a NEET is. Haha would you tell me?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I have no idea what a NEET is. Haha would you tell me?

Not in Education, Employment or Training … (I Think without googling it)

 

[Sweet emotion]

I just remember feeling this overwhelming sense of pressure that I had to do something with my life ASAP even if I hated it. And that bummed the hell out of me. I didn't enjoy anything in particular. Everyone was going to school for something and I just wanted to kick back and relax and do my own thing but unfortunately that doesn't earn you any money. So I explored different avenues while working and still nothing appealed to me. I guess it didn't really matter in the end because I got very sick at age 20 and had to drop out of school. But yeah I never really wanted to be an adult. I remember turning 18 and saying if I could be like this forever I'd love to. I think we are put a hell of a lot of pressure upon these days. My mom who grew up in the 70s said no one went to college back then. They just got jobs and worked their asses off. The minute we graduate high school we are supposed to know what we want to do. How the hell do we know what we are going to want to do for the rest of our lives?

 

[clownangel]

In elementary school into middle we were pushed to figure out "what we want to do with our lives" and I'd always come home to my parents saying that I didn't want to do anything and the whole thing was ridiculous. I've never had plans for my adult life because I've absolutely never thought I'd get to that point, kinda screwing me now but whatever. (Then there's bits where life forced me to mature faster than I would have liked to, so I always want to cling to "kid stuff" and that mindset to an extent.)

Similar boat, @deflagrat re:disability & parents and pretty much staying stuck around 16.