i need to hear other people’s opinions

[5karlet]

so let's say someone close to you whenever they talk to you they say they wanna help you and they want the best for you but whenever they talk to someone they talk bad about you behind your back. and now let's say that person is your mom. it's not like she's done anything bad to me really but it's hard to care about her if she's gonna act like that. everyone in my family and everyone that knows her says she's toxic and i need to get away from her which i mean they're not wrong but it's still like damn

 

[rewoplrig]

so let's say someone close to you whenever they talk to you they say they wanna help you and they want the best for you but whenever they talk to someone they talk bad about you behind your back. and now let's say that person is your mom. it's not like she's done anything bad to me really but it's hard to care about her if she's gonna act like that. everyone in my family and everyone that knows her says she's toxic and i need to get away from her which i mean they're not wrong but it's still like damn

what specifically do you want a person to say? that your mom is a bad person? that your overreacting? Im a little confused for what your looking for a opinion on.

If your mom talks bad about you behind your bad then of course you have every right to be angry and betrayed.

 

[yowai]

It's just breaking the trust because your mom was the closest person you were to when you were a baby, you depended on her to survive and turns out she's not that good after all

 

[5karlet]

what specifically do you want a person to say? that your mom is a bad person? that your overreacting? Im a little confused for what your looking for a opinion on.

If your mom talks bad about you behind your bad then of course you have every right to be angry and betrayed.

i just wanna see what people have to say not really looking for anything specific

 

[Trismegistus_13]

It sounds like your mom has her own issues she needs to take care of. If multiple people are saying that your mom has toxic behaviors, then I'm inclined to agree. It doesn't necessarily mean she's a "bad" person (I don't like the terms good and bad to describe people), but she struggles with something inside her mind too.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Firstly, I want to say that I do sympathise. I know for certain that my Dad in the past has told family members about my struggling career- which has been a great source of embarassment and worry for me- so- you can imagine- that didn't help me either when it came back. Now things have picked up all year, he'll no doubt be telling everyone that he hasn't seen me in ages. So- I think you have to probably accept that in certain ways, we probably can't win.

If you think about it more though. Why are our parents talking about us at all? Probably because our well being and futures are of great concern to them. So, if we're struggling in any way, it's going to be a worry to them.

It would be nice to think that our parents were the strong stoic type who could be there for us to help us and simultaneously keep all their worries and concerns to themselves. But- they're not. They're human- like us. So, if they're worried because their child (we're still their child, no matter how old we get) is displaying alarming behaviour, (you're on a suicide forum, so your Mum is perceptive to some degree, even if she doesn't know the full extent) then, she may well be extremely worried and voice her concerns to other family members and friends. She may not be doing this with mallicious intentions. It may just be because she's also upset and needs to vent or, she's worried and she's seeing what other people make of it. Kind of understandable for a concerned parent.

Although, if it's more to express disapproval then, I sympathise. It may be a mixture of both. I suppose what I was trying to say was that the end result can feel kind of hurtful and like a betrayel but that may well not have been the intention.

 

[5karlet]

Firstly, I want to say that I do sympathise. I know for certain that my Dad in the past has told family members about my struggling career- which has been a great source of embarassment and worry for me- so- you can imagine- that didn't help me either when it came back. Now things have picked up all year, he'll no doubt be telling everyone that he hasn't seen me in ages. So- I think you have to probably accept that in certain ways, we probably can't win.

If you think about it more though. Why are our parents talking about us at all? Probably because our well being and futures are of great concern to them. So, if we're struggling in any way, it's going to be a worry to them.

It would be nice to think that our parents were the strong stoic type who could be there for us to help us and simultaneously keep all their worries and concerns to themselves. But- they're not. They're human- like us. So, if they're worried because their child (we're still their child, no matter how old we get) is displaying alarming behaviour, (you're on a suicide forum, so your Mum is perceptive to some degree, even if she doesn't know the full extent) then, she may well be extremely worried and voice her concerns to other family members and friends. She may not be doing this with mallicious intentions. It may just be because she's also upset and needs to vent or, she's worried and she's seeing what other people make of it. Kind of understandable for a concerned parent.

Although, if it's more to express disapproval then, I sympathise. It may be a mixture of both. I suppose what I was trying to say was that the end result can feel kind of hurtful and like a betrayel but that may well not have been the intention.

you're not wrong at all. but when i lived with her she'd really never interact with me much besides asking me to do stuff barely asked me if i wanted anything to eat she'd cook once in a blue moon and it's just like damn. and now that i've moved out she won't leave me alone always texting me and asking what im doing even though if i was living with her she'd never be this interested. i guess you have to somewhat care about your child